i.i.w.i.i.
Empty nesting is all I thought it would be and so much more. If I stopped right there … maybe I should just stop right there?
My mother keeps telling me every time I talk to her, “You wouldn’t want them lying around all day doing nothing.” She is right, but there is a difference between moving out — say to an apartment in the next town — and moving 6 hours (Chris) or 8 hours (Andrew) away.
We had the opportunity to take some of Andrew’s things (motorcycle, car, food, etc) up to him this past week. I have decided that I am NOT driving through Minneapolis, during anything remotely close to rush hour traffic, ever again.
What I can’t ignore is the biggest grin on my son’s face. Here he is in his element.
Yes, this is the latest addition to our family. I am now a ‘grandma’ 
Jasmine is just a little over 9 weeks old.
The view is just gorgeous -even though it rained most of the time we were there. I certainly can see the attraction of a cabin on a lake.
Chris and Galina were able to come up for the week-end. I am blessed to have her as my daughter. Ok the wedding isn’t until May but as far as I am concerned she is my daughter.
Having us all together was great!
This is the beginning of a new season of life. i.i.w.i.i is my new slogan. It is what it is. A big part of frustration is not accepting truth or trying to make it be something it isn’t. i.i.w.i.i. brings me back to reality. It stops me from spinning around in the circles. It reminds me that God is in control.
Many people have hinted at our moving to MN now that our kids are both there. While I would love to be close to them, I really have no desire to live in MN. It is cold too much of the year and way more snow than I like.
Chris and Galina are talking about Florida in a couple years. Andrew has not abandoned the possibility of border patrol. Only God knows what the future holds. As for Curt and I, when God is ready to move us He will let us know.
So for all of you that are wondering — Yes, my heart aches. I miss my boys. I miss being a part of their daily lives. This is uncharted territory for me. Some days I handle it better than others. Yet I do know that one day my heart and my head will be on the same page. In the meantime God’s grace is sufficient as our fish bowl changes.
til next time
uncovered
Autumn is here.
Every fall as the leaves begin to turn and the air temperature drops I am reminded of this scripture.
Hebrew 4:13 (NIV) Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.
When the trees lose their leaves – the trunk and the branches are exposed.
It is possible to cover up or gloss over areas in our lives that need attention. We can become very good at making excuses. Some are very good at acting – pretending to be something that they aren’t or pretending that all is grand.
Before God there is no pretense. Before God there is no such thing as great acting. Before God there is no cover up.
V12 of that same chapter reminds us
12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Thoughts and attitudes — that is way deeper than just the actions. Oh our actions matter, but we can be outwardly doing the right thing and have a huge inward problem.
Autumn — I love the colors, beauty, and creativity that is all around me. It is also a reminder to me that my life is laid open before God.
Psalm 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
On a side note, we had a God moment while we were out looking at leaves. We stopped at an apple orchard and to our surprise ran into friends. You might recognize Julie (on the left) from the moving day.
til next time
bad hair day
Some days are just bad hair days. A good rule to follow is ‘don’t do anything drastic -wait a day’ — things can look completely different if you just give yourself a day.
Today was not one of those ‘wait’ days.
In our small town we have plenty of places to go to get your hair cut. I’ve tried many of them. It really gets under my skin when I have paid for a hair cut only to get home and have to ‘fix’ the cut.
So a few years ago I returned to cutting my own hair. I have naturally curly hair and it surprises me just how many beauticians don’t have a clue how to cut it.
When I was a kid I would watch my mom cut my brother’s hair. He has a lot of hair. Hair cuts fascinated me. So one day I took a scissors to my own hair. Hmmm, not bad.
Thus began my journey into hair cutting.
I used this ‘talent’ during my college years. I soon had more hair cuts than I wanted. Yet it was fun!
I cut my boy’s hair until it was no longer ‘cool’ to have a hair cut by your mom. It was frustrating though. Many times I had to fix their paid for hair cut.
It is a bit difficult to cut the back of one’s own head. Doable but difficult, so for the past few years I have had Curt ‘help’ me cut my hair. He is capable of cutting a straight or curved line (depending on what I wanted at the time). It saved me a lot of time.
Enter this morning — I step out of the norm and ask him to do something just a bit different. I draw a diagram for him and explain it in detail. What I am looking for him to do is a U shaped cut – then I will do the rest.
What I got did not resemble a U. He cut 3 to 5 inches off the bottom. I didn’t want shoulder length hair. I didn’t want to lose my long hair. I just wanted my sides shorter. I was just having a bad hair day.
The really good thing about all of this is that it has taken my mind off of the really big things that are going on right now. It has indeed been a diversion from the intensity of emotions that seem to come at me from all sides (empty nest, missing my boys, dementia, drama).
Hmmm, will tomorrow be another bad hair day? If so, what will I do?
til next time
moving day
Moving day — excitement and sadness all mixed up together.
It was harder than I imagined and I had expected it to be quite difficult.
I am so grateful that I didn’t face this alone. I thought of my mother and how she had to face my move by herself (my father had died just 3 short months before my move.)
The morning of Andrew’s move we met for breakfast with our long time family friends. Our kids have grown up together and are pretty much like siblings. Megan is the closest thing to a sister the boys have.
When we moved to Iowa, I met Julie at my first job. It was one of those God moments. Some people walk into our lives and we are forever changed. I told Megan the other day that everyone should have a ‘Julie’ in their life.
When we all got together before Chris moved Andrew had to work and so he couldn’t be there. This time Chris couldn’t be there. Times are changing.
So many memories – so many different things to laugh about and all the inside jokes.
Here is one of my favorite photos of the four of them. It was at Meg’s graduation.
I miss those days. I still find myself forgetting to turn the kitchen light off when I go to bed. (Last one in shut the kitchen light off and turned the night light on – usually that ended up being Andrew.)
I’ve been given much grief over the years about my apron strings. Truth is that our boys had a lot of freedom growing up. Apron strings — not so much. Involved and taking an active role in their lives as they grew up — yes very much guilty of that.
It could have been harder. Since they are twins they both could have left at the same time. I am grateful that did not happen. God does know what we can handle.
I know that it is a good thing and this is the way it is meant to be. I know that this is part of life. Yet what I know and what I feel just can’t seem to get on the same page.
til next time
letting go
How a church treats a minister’s children speaks so very loudly to the minister. Surrounded by friends I made it through this day. I am so grateful for the love and support that was evident this moring. Curt and I are blessed.
When I woke up this morning a part of me certainly wanted to just stay in bed. Another part of me wanted to capture every moment. Today was the church’s send off party for Andrew. By this time next week he will be in Minnesota and our lives will have turned a corner.
There are so many emotions that I struggle with and am not doing a good job of dealing with. Talk about emotional overload. In less than a week we will be empty nesters. We haven’t heard about Curt’s ct test. Then add to this that I haven’t fully dealt with the realization of my mom’s health issues. Furthermore, my body can’t decide if it is menopausal or just worn out.
There were times during worship this morning where I just stood there with my eyes closed listening to my son sing. I can’t imagine what next week will be like when he is not there. Oh, I am trying to get a grip and maintain some semblance of sanity. My head and my heart are just not in tune with each other.
It was a full Sunday. 
There was an award’s ceremony for the Rangers.
Andrew was given a plaque for his years of service as commander.
Susan and Hannah sang “Find Your Wings” by Mark Harris.
Susan, I know that this was not an easy thing for you to do but it meant more than words can say.
Hannah I am so glad that you sang with her. I may have cried through the whole thing but I will always remember it. 
Curt preached a powerful message on “Having Enough – enough time, resources, energy etc to accomplish God’s plan for our lives.
The problem comes in when we attempt to do things in our own strength, when we step out of the will of God, when we are trying to do more than what God intends for us to do, when we aren’t content with what we have, when better, bigger, more is our focus and not God…..
Need vs want was addressed. This is a key element to living within your means. Great message honey. Don’t always want to hear it but am so grateful to not be drowning in debt.
Two peas in a pod.
Like father like son.
Here is Andrew humoring me. I love pics
Andrew told us that if we bought him a Harley he would not move. So we did just that. Here is his Harley! While he does acknowledge that it is a very detailed model, the answer was still no. LOL
“How am I doing?” I’m trying to stay positive. I am holding on tightly to my trust in God that He will guide my children and see Curt and I through this household change.
til next time
empty nest
The water is stirring in my fishbowl again.
When the count down was 80 something I didn’t let it faze me. When the count was 50 something I was still in denial. 30 something started to get my attention, yet I still managed to push the thoughts to the far corner of my mind.
The count is now less than two weeks – 12 days to be exact. We have started the “what do you want to do before you move” list. We have crossed off Pizza Ranch, Golden Coral, Pizza and a movie night at home, and going out to a movie. We still have Dynasty buffet, 2nd degree black belt presentation, grocery shopping (of course I am sending food with him and food for his brother) and I’m sure there is more on his list that I am forgetting.
Hmm, kind of funny how much revolves around food.
This is the next step in Andrew’s journey. He is beyond ready for it, me not so much. However, God helped me through Chris’ first apartment (by the way Chris has not been home since May) and I know He will see me through this.
It is a bit daunting though. Just what is it I am going to be when I ‘grow up’? What are Curt and I going to do with that big house? We’ve spent the last 3 years working around Andrew’s schedule so that we could carve out time for the three of us. What will we do now? God knows that I am going to miss that boy terribly! Yet another part of me is so very excited for him and the whole world that is out there. The possibilities are endless.
I do wonder at the timing though. Maybe that is why some call it the mid-life crisis – kids move out, body changing, and parents ailing all at the same time. Yet the key factor to not forget is that God is still on the throne and He is very much a present help in trouble. I am grateful for the peace that comes in trusting Him. I am grateful that I know my kids are in the palm of His hand.
til next time
just another day
What do all of these things have in common?
Venom spewed from an angry man while working the front desk at work (Yet another reason why I like working in my office in the basement) :{
Rushing, rushing, rushing :{
Pontoon ride with friends :}
Beautiful sunset :}
Camping at my favorite spot :}
Tired, so tired :{
Trip to the ER – all is well (sorta) :{
Back to the camper - too tired for a campfire :{
Bathroom floor soggy :{
Crawl space sleeping :{
The sound of a gentle rain on the camper roof :}
The sound of dripping :{
The sound of a dripping ‘duet’ :{
Uh oh a trio is starting to ’sing’ :{
Not to be left out, the 4th drip joins in making it a ‘quartet’ :{
Gas has leaked out of the tank – no breakfast indoors :{
Downpour outside – no campfire breakfast :{
The common thread is that it all happened in less than a day.
Some days there are just more :{ than there are :}
I guess I love the idea of camping. Home away from home with a peaceful stream outside my door. Away from the mountain of things needing my attention. I was really looking for a diversion from the latest news about mom. A couple days sitting by the water with my honey, my fishing pole, a good book, and nothing on the agenda — yes that sounded wonderful.
However, things don’t always go as planned.
Did you know that water can bounce over eight inches up in the air and travel a good foot? I didn’t, but I know it can now. I couldn’t find a container deep enough to keep the drips from splattering.
We’re done. So we pack up early and head for home. :{
This was not the plan we had for this RV. It was meant to be a blessing. The lady who bought it was told it needed a tune up, tires, and a battery. That is the problem that comes with repairing things. You spend the money to fix what you think is the problem. This then reveals another problem and so forth. At what point do you say enough? The more money you invest the more you don’t want to quit and eat your losses.
I am following Curt home when I see tire tread go flying through the air. Sure enough the right front tire tread has ripped clean off. Yet, there is still air in the tire. We are 3 -5 miles from home. Do we call the tow truck? Do we try to drive it home? Neither one of us wants to wait for the tow truck. It’s been a gruelling day. We are going to try it. We do manage to get the RV back home. :}
I have now got Curt talked into getting a fire pit for the backyard. That will be my home away from home. Sure there isn’t any peaceful river flowing nearby but …….
til next time
10 things — motorcycle lessons
Lesson 1: Heading out — Start today — Enjoy this day – it is the beginning of a new journey. Notice the beauty around you. Live life to the fullest.
Lesson 2: Some hills are steep, some not so much. 
Sometimes the road is straight — Enjoy it! When you can’t see what’s around the bend, remind yourself that God is still God. Trust Him!
Lesson 3: Sometimes life has you up against a wall. Remember that ‘This too shall pass’.
Lesson 4: Don’t wait until you are running on empty. Take time to refuel — life is better when there is a balance between work and play.
Lesson 5: Sometimes in life an overhaul is needed. Don’t put it off — that only makes the cost higher.
Lesson 6: Sometimes you are out in front and other times you aren’t. Be an example that is worth following and be supportive of those who, at other times, lead.
Lesson 7: Road construction and detours are all a part of driving down the highway. It is the same in life. How you handle it says a lot about your character. Smile, relax and take a deep breath. It sure beats getting all stressed.
Lesson 8: When you are at a crossroads, weigh the options carefully. Sometimes the consequences are irreversible. Ah, but life is filled with opportunities — make the most of them.
Lesson 9: When life throws up a stop sign — or something happens that brings you to a halt — look around you – you are not alone. “A friend loves at all times.” Prov 17:17
Lesson 10: Time won’t stop so you can figure things out or so you can get all your ducks in a row. Sit in the front row of your life. Live life! Be grateful for those around you that are in this journey with you.
til next time
tears are a language God understands
“When you’re up against a struggle that shatters all your dreams and your hopes have been cruelly crushed by Satan’s manifested schemes, and you feel the urge within you to submit to earthly fear, don’t let the faith your standing in seem to disappear. Praise the Lord” (Russ Taff)
When it is hard to put into words what I am feeling in my heart, I am grateful that God reads my heart. I don’t have to put it in words. Sometimes the best communication with God is tears. Tears are a language God understands.
til next time
About
Welcome to my fish bowl!
Things that matter to me are: God, family, friends, helping people, taking time to really live in the moment, and trying to slow down in a fast paced world.
To find out more click here.
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