are you missing it?

Today I was able to sit through  the early service.   I have heard numerous ministers throughout my life and there is no one I’d rather hear than my husband.  I often tell him that my only regret (if you can call it that) is that there aren’t more people hearing him.  Yet I leave that in God’s hands.  He knows what He is doing.

We have a staffed nursery for second service.  However, if there is a baby in first service who is struggling to sit quietly, it is my privilege to take him/her to the nursery and play with toys.   While I was pleased to be able to sit in service it did mean that Wyatt was not there.  I missed him.

When the boys were babies I would get them up, changed, fed, changed, dressed and hopefully out the door on time only to get to church and spend the entire service in the nursery.

For a stay at home mom this was not encouraging.  I wanted/needed corporate praise and worship.  Being able to find time in the word, while chasing after twins, was hit and miss.  I wanted to soak up the preaching of the word.  Yet I found myself in the nursery without even a speaker.

So that’s when I decided, that one day, when it was up to me, I would help mom’s get the most out of service.

Today’s word came from the book of Esther. I encourage you to read the whole book.  It has only 10 chapters.  It is a great story.  (check out http://biblegateway.com )

Read Esther 4:13-14   For such a time as this!

Mordecai challenged Ester to think about why she was where she was at.

“God had a reason to place you in that palace and it wasn’t just to bless you by being Queen.”

God has a plan.  It is not necessary that we know all that is going on, nor will we be able to  understand it fully.  God has placed each one of us right where we are.  He has a plan.

Think about who we are and who God is.

We like to be able to control things, to have a say in what happens.  Sometimes people even try to control God.

“God You have to…..”

“Um, no He doesn’t.”

There comes a point in which we reach the limits of our understanding.

Lord I don’t know what the future holds but Lord I trust You!

What does God expect from us?  How should we live?

Read Micah 6:8

Do justly — learn what is the right thing to do and then do it.  Search the scriptures.  God will give us the wisdom that we need to be able to do right.

Love mercy — be willing to forgive.  Mercy is when you have the power to exercise judgment on a person who has wronged you and you extend mercy – forgiveness.   Love mercy — offer mercy.

Humbly walk with God – God wants us to have fellowship with Him.  Day by day we can have a sense that God is with us.  He is in control.  We may not understand why or be able to control the situation but God loves us.   It has not taken God by surprise. There are reasons we can’t begin to grasp.

We can trust and be obedient to the God who loves us.   He is with us.  He sees all and works in all situations to bring about His plan.

Trust Him!

I entitled this ‘are you missing it?” because God spoke to my heart today during this message about situations that I am facing.  I so want Him to just remove the struggles and smooth the rough waters.  I can become so focused on this that I miss the real miracle God is doing.  He is using the struggles and the rough waters to bring about change in my life.  Nothing causes me to dig deeper than pain.

“For such a time as this” God has me right where He wants me.    His plan is one of goodness.  God is Good!!   I don’t want to miss it.  I want to live every moment of it to the fullest.   God is at work.

I will close with a song we sang this morning.    “I can feel You flowing through me.   Holy Spirit come and fill me up.  Love and mercy fill my senses, I am thirsty for Your presence Lord.  Come and fill me up”

What is God wanting to do with you and where He has you -  at this moment?

til next time

waiting

I really don’t like waiting.  Seriously, does anyone?  Yet over time I have learned to wait more graciously.  I seem to have lots of practice opportunities.  Everyone does.

When a baby is hungry or uncomfortable he/she will start to fuss.  If that does not get the desired result – next will come tears and much louder fussing.  If this is ignored then the intensity will increase until the baby is in an all out fit.  Hmmm, for some people nothing has really changed.  *heavy sigh*

When our boys (twins) were little they were not sleeping through the night.  They would take turns being awake.  They made a great tag team.  I did not function well on little sleep.

Finally, the doctor told us that we needed to change our tactics.  After they were fed and changed we were to put them to bed (awake) and let them learn the art of falling asleep on their own.

Curtis was at this particular doctors visit and he believes in following doctors orders.  So that night he had to literally restrain me from going in there.  It was the longest few minutes of my life.   The waiting was horrible.    The result —- they slept through the night that night and from then on.    My babies were beginning to learn the art of waiting.

Sometimes in life I find myself in that place again.  Only this time it isn’t the babies but a long dark night.   I am reminded of the song —  “My soul waits for the Lord through the night til the morning, like a night watchmen waiting for the coming of the dawn. ” (Psalm 130:6)

One thing is for sure morning is coming.   Things are always changing.

There is another scripture verse that I seem to return to quite often.

Isaiah 40:31  “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

In a society where you can drive up for your coffee, food, banking, and even in some places worship – there are still things that cause us to wait.  It is the way we wait  that we have control over.

I cannot make the doctor hurry up and call but I can rest in the knowledge that God is in control.

When I am stuck in the ‘wrong’ check out line – I can look for some way to encourage the person next to me.  (I find that I manage to get in the wrong line quite often.  Hmmm, I don’t think that is a coincidence.)

While I wait for the day that I only work one job, I can choose to make the most of the opportunities that my second job gives to me.

When the night seems long I can hold on because morning is indeed coming.

Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I can’t handle.

til next time

wedding

I have a daughter!   I am way excited that it is official.  She actually became my daughter (in my heart) months ago.

Top left is the best man (Chris’ twin) and the maid of honor (Galina’s sister)

Bottom right is  me and my baby boy.  We had a nice long walk to the front.  I enjoyed every minute of it.

Curt was honored to perform the ceremony.  It isn’t every day that you get to address the groom as ‘Son’.  It also isn’t every day that you get to be the first to introduce Mr and Mrs.

A picture perfect day!!

The brothers!!

The beauty of nature provided a wonderful background for pictures.

A most fitting cake topper.

All in all, it was a great day.  My sister was able to pick my mother up from the rehab center.  Mom is doing better and will be released this next week.  She still needs 24 supervision and I haven’t a clue what we are going to do.  I wish that I would not have had to deal with any of that during this most special week but we don’t live in a perfect world.    I’d love to say that I stayed on my food plan and continued to abstain from all forms of soda, but only in  a perfect world.

It is what it is!!!!

til next time

moving day

Moving day — excitement and sadness all mixed up together. 

It was harder than I imagined and I had expected it to be quite difficult. 

I am so grateful that I didn’t face this alone.  I thought of my mother and how she had to face my move by herself  (my father had died just 3 short months before my move.) 

The morning of Andrew’s move we met for breakfast with our long time family friends.  Our kids have grown up together and are pretty much like siblings.  Megan is the closest thing to a sister the boys have. 

When we moved to Iowa, I met Julie at my first job.  It was one of those God moments.  Some people walk into our lives and we are forever changed.  I told Megan the other day that everyone should have a ‘Julie’ in their life. 

When we all got together before Chris moved Andrew had to work and so he couldn’t be there.  This time Chris couldn’t be there.   Times are changing.

So many memories – so many different things to laugh about and all the inside jokes. 

  Here is one of my favorite photos of the four of them.  It was at Meg’s graduation. 

I miss those days.  I still find myself forgetting to turn the kitchen light off when I go to bed.  (Last one in shut the kitchen light off and turned the night light on – usually that ended up being Andrew.)

I’ve been given much grief over the years about my apron strings.   Truth is that our boys had a lot of freedom growing up.   Apron strings — not so much.  Involved and taking an active role in their lives as they grew up — yes very much guilty of that.

It could have been harder.  Since they are twins they both could have left at the same time.  I am grateful that did not happen.  God does know what we can handle.

I know that it is a good thing and this is the way it is meant to be.  I know that this is part of life.  Yet what I know and what I feel just can’t seem to get on the same page. 

 til next time

aggravation

I love the board game Aggravation, but that is where my love for aggravation stops.  I am not a fan of emotional aggravation.  { aggravation — the source of continuing, increasing irritation or source of trouble}

 I prefer my life to be free of drama.  I much prefer to get along with people and I give it my best shot – most of the time.  Over the years I have learned the value of giving a person leeway and extending mercy and grace.  

Overlooking a comment or an action has been a great tool in maintaining my own peace and harmony.  Just because someone is ugly does not mean that I must get ugly back.  Nowhere does it say that one must take things personally.  Maybe the person is just having a really bad day and I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

“Like water off a ducks back, Gloria.  Let it slide.”  (wise words from my daddy.)

Where I get tripped up is when people become arrogant or refuse to acknowledge their role in a given situation.  Then aggravation tends to set in.   Even then, usually it doesn’t last long. 

So this recent development that I  found myself in had me wondering what I needed to learn from this?  It also had me wondering what my role should be in this mess.  With each phone call the aggravation grew.

Why is it that my son (Andrew) who went off to a seculiar college  (which I might add was extremely less expensive) had more cooperation from the registrar, financial aide office, academic dean’s office, etc. than my other son who is attending the very christian university that Curt and I graduated from?

I have fond memories of my years at college.  Yet, I also have memories of the ‘games’ that were played.  The politics that went on almost succeeded in my leaving there at the end of my junior year. 

So is it really a surprise, that as my son now faces the beginning of his senior year, that he should be facing issues that have him thinking about quitting?  Surprised?  no   –  Saddened?  yes

I would have thought we would have had more problems with Andrew’s college as he was dealing with two different colleges – one he attended and one that handled the financial aspects so he didn’t have to pay out of state  tuition.  Yet whenever a problem arose (and that just seems to happen with college) the people we dealt with were helpful and truly wanted to resolve the issues.  They accepted responsibility for their mistakes and they helped us fix any that we had made. 

I guess I expect more from a Christian university than a secular college.   

While leading worship Sunday, God clearly showed me the ‘sin’ of my aggravation.  I had been justifying my ‘right’ to hold onto my aggravation.  After all, it wasn’t right what was going on.  It was made even worse in my eyes because this was people in leadership that my son was to look to as examples but instead  were causing all this grief.  However, my getting all aggravated didn’t make it better.  It certainly didn’t make it right.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

So I did what I should have done in the first place.  I turned the whole mess over to God.  I gave Him my frustration, aggravation and irritation. 

Then an amazing thing happened.  The idea came to Curt to call our district superintendent and also an old college buddy of Curt’s that currently works at the college.   How much clearer things become when we let go and let God direct. 

Curt’s friend had a long meeting with Chris.  Chris left that meeting encouraged.  He was not just a number anymore.  Now this gentlemen is my idea of a godly leader.  His sincerity came through loud and clear to my son.    This was no easy feat due to all that Chris has been through. 

Oh it’s college and I suspect there will be more headaches but what a difference it makes when someone cares – when someone listens – when someone seeks to get into the solution with you.

For me it was also a reminder that there are many people who are doing a great job.  Don’t waste time focusing on those who aren’t.

til next time

our boys

My boys turned 21 this weekend.    Andrew left on Thursday to spend the week-end with Chris.  A week-end filled with many plans.    Chris ran his first half marathon — Go Chris!!  

I really don’t know where the time went.  I don’t feel old enough to have 21 year olds.

The first thing I notice with this picture of our boys is that Chris is in red and Andrew in blue.  This is significant because when they were little, in order to tell them apart, those were the colors we put them in.

I doubt that the boys even give that a thought anymore and yet many times I find them in these colors.  Which has me thinking about the impact those first few years have on children.  

I was blessed to be a stay at home mom for most of their childhood.   When they hit high school I did work full time, but it was at the Middle School. It was a toss up as to who really enjoyed snow days more.   I am glad that I was able to be there in the morning and after school.  I cherish those memories.   

Empty nesting is looming around the corner.  This is something I know needs to happen, but I also know it will be hard.  A lot of firsts – sometimes I think I am too old for ‘firsts’.   *sigh*  Yet they keep coming. 

The most recent ‘firsts’ —    First holiday that both boys weren’t here (Easter).   First time neither boy is home for his birthday.  

The big ‘firsts’ coming up – First summer Chris isn’t coming home.   First Apartment.   First time it will just be Curt and I in this really big house.     First time both boys will no longer be in Iowa.  (The are trading in the fishbowl for anonymity.)

Here’s some more recent pictures of our boys.   

                

                   

Things are changing.  I wonder was it this hard on my mom?  I think it must have been harder as my dad passed away right after I graduated from high school.   Praise God Curt and I will have each other.   Another reason it is so important to keep ones marriage healthy.

I am quite excited about what I see going on in our boys  lives.   They have indeed entered into manhood with style.  I couldn’t be prouder!    

til next time

simple pleasures

When I was a kid I could ride my bike for hours or go horse back riding for an entire afternoon.  As I entered college I remember heading to the beach after class and spending the rest of the afternoon lounging around with my friends.  Simple pleasures were just a part of my life.  Ah, it was good!

Then I had twins and was blessed to be (for the most part) a stay at home mom.  There were still afternoons of bike riding or going to the pool.  Exploring an outdoor playground or spending the afternoon playing games was a common occurrence.  Money was tight and simple pleasures were abundant and didn’t cost much.  Ah, it was good!

Now my boys are grown and in college, I’ve added a second job,  there is more to do then time to do it, and I am getting older.  I had a friend  ask me what I did with all my time now that the boys are grown.  What???  Time?????   What time???  Ah, this is not good!

So I’m thinking that maybe I need to have a baby.  Yes, you read that right.   It was raining today and I miss splashing in the puddles.  I miss being a stay at home wife and mom.  Seriously though I think I have grown up too much.  When did it become ok to be so busy that I don’t take time to reconnect with old friends?  I am thinking more and more that ministry leaders wear their busy schedules as a badge of ‘honor’.   Like if my schedule is complicated and extremely full then surely I must be doing things right.  100 years from now will it matter?  5 years from now will it matter?  Tomorrow will it matter?

A  big thing now is all different ways of saying  ‘simple pleasures’ – ‘simplify’  – ‘relax’ – ‘enjoy’  there is even signs reminding you to ‘laugh’ etc.  I have a piece of wood that says ‘simple pleasures‘  that’s it just ‘simple pleasures’.  My friend gave it to me awhile ago.  It is one of my favorite knick knacks.  Why?  It is because the message is so strong.  

I’ve decided that since a baby is out of the question (right Curt??) that I am going to make it a point each day to schedule (if I have to) simple pleasures into my life.  Sounds pretty lame but in the same way that some ministers need to pencil in their family, I am at a point where I need to pencil in simple pleasures.

The first thing to be added to my schedule (yup I am adding something) is tea time.  I mentioned to Galina the other day that I think I must only love the  idea of tea.  I buy tea all the time but hardly ever drink it.  So therefore I must just love the idea of tea.  You know relaxing with a cup of hot tea.   It is time to make that idea a reality.  It’s a start or I could see about that baby. 

til next time

life can get complicated

Life right now is a bit complicated.  I much prefer when things are running smoothly.  Who doesn’t??  I am not one that needs drama in her life to know that she is alive.  I have met people like that.  No thank you.  Ah but at times life does get complicated.

Parenting can be overwhelming.  So my twins are 20 now and whoever said that it gets easier as they get older was wrong.  Wait a minute.  I am one of those who said that.  I stand corrected.

Now in the beginning having twins was work.  I don’t remember much of that first year.  There wasn’t much that was what I expected.  Oh, but it was an adventure that I embraced.  I have tons of pictures and information galore.  Yes, they each have a baby book and it is filled.  I wanted to capture each development.  

As they got older, it did get easier.  They had a ready made playmate.  Their growing up years were for the most part wonderful.  There are of course things that I wish I could do over.  Things that if I had another child I would do differently.  However, kids grow up in spite of our mistakes. 

They have always been pk’s.  (pastor’s kids)  They have had to live with that pressure.  From the beginning Curt and I did what we could to stop others from placing expectations on them.   More importantly, we did our best to let them know that they were/are more important to us. 

As they entered the teen years (that would be 16 and a license to drive) the rules changed.  Freedom came with responsibilities and they rose to the occasion.   I remember over hearing Chris tell Andrew that they were going to get home earlier than curfew because then Mom and Dad would see how responsible they were.  It worked.  Curfew was extended.  It soon became apparent to me that indeed they were growing into great young men. 

Cell phones truly helped me to adapt to these new found freedoms.  Just knowing that I could call if I felt the need was nice.  (note to other parents – don’t abuse that) Prayer also played a huge role.  Leaving them in God’s hands helped me relax. 

We’ve turned a corner now that has me scratching my head.  They are 20.  Can I really be that old to have 20 year olds?  Denial has at times been my friend. LOL  Yet living in the truth really is one of my goals that I strive for.

So life has gotten complictated.  Parenting doesn’t end when they turn 18 or 19 or 20.  It just changes.   More and more decisions have to be made that just maybe I don’t like.  Learning when to open my mouth and when to just pray — oh life gets complicated. 

In my heart I know that they are smart, responsible, dependable, great young men.  Yet also in my heart they are my baby boys.  I want to shelter them from pain.  I still want to be the one to say “Watch out, don’t touch that. It’s hot!!”  Now that worked for a little boy and a hot pain on the stove.   Most parents know though that as children get older, it isn’t the stove that is going to burn them. 

Sigh, life gets complicated.  Yet God is still God.  He loves them more than I do.  Yes, it comes back to leaving them in His care and praying for wisdom to know when to speak.  I may still scratch my head – in fact I am sure I will.  I may even have to bite my tongue.  Oh I am sure there will be times that I will not be able to silence my opinions/advice.   I just pray that I can hold out until it is asked for. 

til next time

pastor’s wife – friends @ church

Friends – one of my favorite things to do is to just hang out with my friends.  It doesn’t really matter what we do.  Friends help you to not take yourself so seriously.  You should see the turtle visor I was given.  Yup I wore it proudly

While we were on our trip to Bellvue I saw this bird house.  You might not be able to see it, but there are 4 birds in this picture.  There were lots more, but the others were a bit camera shy.  Click here for other pics from that adventure.  I love how the birds are just hanging out enjoying the gorgeous day!! 

I was thinking today about friends.  Being in full time ministry it became apparent early on that there was a bit of an issue concerning friends within the church??

Now when we were involved in ministry in Minnesota it wasn’t an issue.  My sister was a short drive away.  I had many friends that were in ministry in the area.  I had friends from college that I could call on.  Not a problem. 

So the dilemma came when we moved far away from family and friends.  I had 2 1/2 year old twin boys and somehow I am suppose to make friends with other Pastor’s wives in the surrounding area??   Then add that 3 of the 7 ministers before us lost their license while serving at this church.  Actually most of them didn’t think we’d be here very long.

I am by nature a people person.  I love people.  So what to do??

I looked at the example Jesus gave us.  He ministered to many – gave of Himself.  He picked 12 to be closely associated with and of those - 3 were even closer. 

Now there can be a vulnerability in church friendships.  Nothing hurts quite like the wounds of a friend.  When that friend is a church member then it can cause additional problems.  However, I have found that God brings people into my life, sometimes for just a season.  Sometimes solely for my benefit.  Sometimes so that I can be a benefit to them.  Iron sharpens iron. Then there are those people who are brought into my life to work on reducing me to love.  

For me groups work the best.   First off, working two jobs doesn’t leave me much time.  Second, it allows anyone who wants to go to be able to.   We’ve done some crazy things as a group.  Once took an outing to a truck stop.  — Hey it is a great truck stop with fabulous food and a large store full of fun and unique gifts.     

The thing I do know is that each person should feel valued.  This is true whether you allow yourself to have friends within the church or not.  People need to know that they matter. 

I was at a pastor’s wives gathering awhile back and there was this woman who clearly has always made me feel invisible.  I won’t go into details because that is not the issue.  I have worked through all of that and have come to the conclusion that God uses it to remind me of the value of each individual.  The importance of being in the conversation when you are talking with someone.   I pray I never give reason for someone to feel that they are not valued. 

So friends within the church?  –  I’m at two services Sunday morning, Sunday school, Sunday night and Wednesday night – these women are more than just my friends – they are family.   Yes, there have been woman who have taken the ‘knife’ to me.  I can relate with David in Psalm 41:9.   Although, just because you have been wounded is not an excuse to stop letting others get close to you.   All the joy I would have missed had I decided to distance myself.  The joy far outweighs the pain.  

I thank God for all the wonderful women He has placed in my life.  Each one touches my life and leaves their footprints across my heart.

til next time

Christian tatoos??

Welcome to my fishbowl.  I thought I’d talk about Christian tattoos.

Christian tattoos — those two words can cause for an abundance of conversation.  Some people have very definite opinions about the subject.  Maybe you are one of them??   It is not my desire to offend anyone, if you have a strong opposition to tattoos, then please don’t read any farther.  Come back tomorrow and I will write on a different subject.

I remember as a child growing up that tattoos were practically right up there with the unpardonable sin.  Then my brother came home from the Navy with a couple tattoos.  One said “Mom and Dad”, and one said “Barb” or was it ”Barbara”?  I remember trying to come to terms with what I had been taught and yet knowing that God loved my brother.  Something just didn’t add up.

Curt and I searched the scriptures early in our ministry.   We came to the conclusion that tattoos are a personal choice and are not frowned on by God.  After all God says in His word that we are tattooed on the palm of His hand.  {Isaiah 49:16}  

So what were we to do when Chris comes to us and says that he wants to get a tattoo?   We did tell him that he would have to wait until he was 18.  We encouraged him to give considerable thought to what he was going to have put on, as it would be there for the rest of his life.

The first two pictures are Chris’ first tattoo.  It is a crown of thorns with “Jesus is Lord” written in it.  It is beautifully done.  It has brought about a lot of discussion from people who may never have thought of entering a church.  When he first went to work they all thought it was fake because after all he was a preacher’s kid. 

I’ve mentioned that there is great competition between my twins.  Andrew couldn’t sit by and do nothing.  So the third picture is Andrew’s first tat.  It is the Alpha and Omega symbol.  Andrew soon decided he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t see it, so he decided to do a shoulder, then later the other side.  One has a cross of nails that says “The Price He Paid”.  The other has an eagle on it and says “Isa. 40:31″      

                                                   

                                                  

          Yes, by the now the competition is in full swing.  I keep telling them, “Less is more”   

 Chris gets a guitar pick of the Christian flag and Andrew has “Jesus is Lord” written on the inside of his arm.  Lastly, Chris adds to his guitar pick - 14 – yes 14 blades.  7 purple representing the 7 heavenly virtues and 7 black representing the 7 deadly sins.  Later he plans to add “I choose grace” at the top.

I am extremely glad that they have chosen to promote their love for God - to so publicly proclaim that Jesus is their Lord.  In a day when many their age are tatooing all sorts of things on their body, they have chosen to take a stand.   A very bold stand I might add.

Whatever your view is on tattoos, my question for today is “Do people know what you stand for?”

til next time