perimenopause

It is sometimes referred to as the change before the change.

A couple of years ago I found myself in uncharted territory.  My energy level barely registered.  Yet my responsibilities and commitments continued to increase.  Things other people had committed to do but were unable to do (for one reason or another) fell back into my lap.

Picking up the slack is just a part of who I was.  It was one of the hats I wore as a PW.  Adding things to my plate was the norm.  Seeing things that needed to be done or should be done just came  natural to me.  Multitasking was an art form that I had  mastered.

BUT

Things were changing.  I couldn’t seem to get it together.  The pressures of all the various things on my plate seemed to be suffocating me.

Looking back now I realize that I was entering perimenopause.

Perimenopause….

Some women state that they had no symptoms and sailed right thru.  How?  Only God knows.  Sadly it is not my experience.

Here are a few symptoms:  irregular bleeding, problem sleeping, weight gain, hot flashes, bladder control weakness, mood changes, sudden tears, night sweats, fatigue, hair loss, difficult concentration (brain fog), memory lapses, dizziness, bloating, allergies, brittle nails, changes in odor, irregular heartbeat, depression, anxiety, irritability, panic disorder, breast pain, headaches (migraines), joint pain, burning tongue, electric shocks, digestive problems, gum problems, muscle tension, itchy skin, tingling extremities……….

Brain fog is the hardest for me personally.  With all the various things I have going on, multitasking was a huge part of my life.  Brain fog and multitasking mix about as well as oil and water.

I have it on good authority that the brain fog will lift.

So I wait.

While I am waiting:

I will continue to fight the symptoms with prayer and praise.

I will look for ways to reduce multitasking in my life.  One way I have done this is to release myself from helping with the set up of all activities held at the church and the need to be the last one to leave said activities.  In the past 20 years there were but a handful of times that I left an event while clean up was still going on. (All but one of those times has been in the last two years.)

While I am waiting

I will remind myself to take a deep breath.  When pressure increases – breathing can tend to become shallow.  Three deep breaths helps me to focus.

I will extend grace and mercy to those around me who don’t understand.  I will guard my heart.  (Proverbs 4:23)  I will dig deeper into the Word.  When people say things that are hurtful and my hormones are all over the place, I will remember that “nothing shall offend me.”  (Psalm 119:165)

I will be mindful to not do or say something that later I will need to apologize for.  “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable.” (Psalm 19:14)

This starts at home.  Perimenopause can certainly be a trial for my husband.  After all, I don’t understand what is going on – so how could he?

His wife, who used to be able to handle so many things all at once, now at times can’t seem to handle getting supper on the table.  His wife, who one minute is the confident women he married, the next minute is crying over something so very insignificant.

Perimenopause

I am trying to embrace this period of my life.  Yet I wonder at times ‘who is this woman?’

While I am waiting:

I will hold tightly to the King of Kings.  Jesus will bring me through this season of change.  I am confident that all of this will make me more sensitive to the needs of others and more like Jesus.  In my weakness, He is strong.

So to all you women who find that you have entered the peri -cycle – know that you are not alone. Know that this too shall pass.  Be kind to yourself.  Recognize that you may not be able to do everything you could before AND that is ok.

Extend grace and mercy to others for truly you will need some yourself.

And remember that God is an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

til next time

are you an anorexic christian?

It seems that somewhere in each Sunday morning message the importance of  reading the Word of God has been addressed.   One week, Pastor Curt asked some thought-provoking questions.   Now he did not ask for a show of hands but he did ask,

“How many of us could raise our hands if I asked if you have read the Word every day this past week?  What about most days – four out of seven?  How about at least two days?  Do you even know where your Bible is?”

Everywhere I look people are facing some huge issues.  Sometimes life is just plain hard.  Yet where do we look for help?  Is our Bible covered in dust?

This past Sunday Pastor Curt preached from the book of Joshua.  We all have a past that we are leaving behind (our Egypt) and we all have a future ahead of us.  But in the here and now “Be strong and courageous for the Lord thy God is with you.  Do not be afraid!  Do not quit!!  Know that God is with you.  In this  moment you can be strong and courageous!  In this moment don’t quit.”

In the midst of that message, what comes up?  A reference to reading the Word.  I am confident God is trying to drive home a point here.  Joshua 1:8  “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.”

“If you are only getting the Word on Sunday morning, then you could say that you are an anorexic Christian. “  Pastor Curt

Anorexia is a very serious disease.  I worked with a lady long ago that was fighting for her life.   It was so sad.  Her energy level was almost non-existent.  Her body was rejecting the very thing it needed in order to stay alive.

Do we ‘reject’ the very thing that is needed for us to walk in victory?

The Bible addresses our thoughts, actions, heart, will, relationships, work ethic — reading it, meditating on it will change us.  This change will make us strong!

The enemy of our souls will do whatever he can to keep us out of the Word.  He knows that if we are reading it – it will strengthen us and we will not so easily fall for his tricks.   Instead we will walk in victory!  We will walk in truth!

I have often told people that my husband can tell if I have not been in the Word for a couple of days.  My friends and coworkers can tell if it has been more than 3 days.   Oh they don’t necessarily know that is what is going on, but they know something is off.

I am constantly amazed at how something will come up in my dealing with people that God has addressed that morning (or night before) in His Word.

God uses His Word to prepare us, to encourage us, to guide us and most importantly to draw us closer to Him.

He is waiting for you to open His book so that He can pour truth into your heart and fill you with love, joy, and peace.

til next time

fear/worry — peace/still ??

I can count on one hand the number of times that sickness has stopped my husband in his tracks.   He may get a cold or a sinus issue but he plows right through.  This past Friday afternoon he got knocked right off his feet (figuratively speaking.)

I thought it would be a 24 hour thing and he would be up and at ‘em Saturday.  Instead Saturday found him alternating between the bed and the recliner.  By Saturday night it became evident that he would not be preaching the next morning.   The verse from  2 Timothy came to mind – “preach the word; be ready in season and out of season…………..”

What did God want me to share?

Psalms 46:1-3  I find that I am quoting verse 1 a lot lately, either in person, on the phone, by text, and even on facebook.   We don’t have to look far to see trouble.  We do not face it alone.  God is indeed a very present help in trouble.

“We will not fear.”    Fear is a great peace robber.  It is virtually impossible to stay in peace while allowing fear to take hold of your emotions.    Most of the things people worry about never happen.  Don’t get caught up in fear’s trap.

Fear and worry ruin a perfectly good day and disrupt a good night’s sleep.

When you notice fear, worry or dread knocking at your door remember God is a very present help in trouble.  Place your focus back on Him and you will find your peace returning.  Instead of dwelling on the situation, going over it and over it, take it to God in prayer.  Leave it with Him. Trust Him to work things out.

“Oh what peace we often forfeit.  Oh what needless pain we bear.  All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.”   He is the living God.  The Great I AM.   The creator and sustainer of the universe and He is an ever-present help in trouble.

Let’s look at the end of this chapter.

Psalms 46:10  I am going to take it one word at a time.

BE:  state of being

Acts 1:8 tells us that we are to BE witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and the utter most parts of the earth.   (For me that breaks down to my city, state, neighboring state –or county and neighboring county–and the world.)   Notice that it doesn’t say DO witnessing.  It is possible to DO witnessing and not BE a good witness.  Be is who we are – 24/7.   And we can be still in the midst of any circumstance.

Be STILL:  quiet confidence – a heart of peace.   Not in a state of turmoil or wrapped up in fretting about the situation.

Be still AND:  this lets us know that there is more.  It isn’t just be still.

Be still and KNOW:  know that you know that you know that God is in control.  He has a plan.  He will make a way where there seems to be no way.   We will not be shaken.  We know God is greater than anything we face.

Be still and know THAT:  that – pay attention to what comes next – emphasis

Be still and know that I:  one true God.   God tells Moses  in Exodus 3:14  “I am who I am”  God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and always with us.

Be still and know that I AM:  present tense.  Right where we are, there He is.

Be still and know that I am GOD:  He is the living God.    What you magnify just gets bigger.  Instead of spiraling downward with fear and worry, place your focus back onto God.  Let Him fill you with peace.

Whatever you are facing, God has a plan.    Don’t let fear and worry rob you of the truth that you know.  God is with you!  He loves you!

“Be still and know that I am God” — Psalm 46:10

til next time

what battles are you facing?

What battles are you facing?  What is trying to rob you of your sleep?  Is worry trying to weaken your faith?

It seems everywhere I look people are dealing with huge issues.  Whether it is finances, marriage, health, stress at work, children, or you name it – the pressures of life can be daunting.

Pastor’s are not immune from stress.  In fact, those on the front lines can experience a whole host of issues that are meant to do one thing — knock them out of the war.

I love to rejoice with people who have had amazing answers to prayer.  Yet, it seems that lately my heart has been breaking with those who find themselves in the middle of a very ‘long night.’

How do I come out from under the weight?  How do I stop it from bringing me down?  I turn my eyes upon Jesus and lay it all at His feet.  When I wait to do that, I also can feel overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.  My advice to all, don’t wait – give it to Jesus.

I am reminded of one of my all time favorite sound tracks.  I just may have to sing it Sunday.

Warrior is a child/ Do I trust You

“Lately I’ve been winning battles left and right.  But even winners can get wounded in the fight………………………Do I trust You Lord?  Does the river flow?  Do I trust You Lord?  Does the North wind blow?  You can see my heart, you can read my mind and you’ve  got to know I would rather die than to lose my faith in the One I love……………… I will trust You Lord when I don’t know why.  I will trust You Lord til the day I die.  I will trust You Lord when I’m blind with pain. You were God before and You’ll never change.  I will trust You!  I will trust You!  I will trust You Lord!”

There is no doubt about it, sometimes the pain is deep.   David talks about the wounds of a friend – Psalm 41:9 “Even my close friend in whom I trusted,
Who ate my bread, Has lifted up his heel against me”   I sure don’t understand people sometimes.

So to all those who are facing situations that at times seem so overwhelming – remember God is still God.  He is at work.   You can most assuredly trust His heart.  He will make a way.  Let the faith that is deep in you rise up and shout “I will trust You Lord when I don’t understand.  I will trust You Lord when the night seems so long.  I will trust You Lord when my heart is breaking.  I will trust You Lord!!”

til next time

day 10

I am on day 10 of a 30 day challenge.  To say it has changed my life would be an understatement.  (the challenge — For the next 30 days I am going to be mindful to not complain about anything. click here to read more)

How am I doing?

Some days it is absolutely not a challenge.  I breeze through those days.  Others days, however, make up for it and are challenging beyond measure.

What I have found is that I am much more aware of when it is coming out of my mouth.  It is happening less and less.  The coolest thing, though, is when the thought is there but I recognize it before it leaves my mouth.   This is happening more and more.  (hmm reminds me of the scripture to take every thought captive)

I had a co-worker tell me Thursday that she was going to do the same thing.  I was very excited for her.  Although I did tell her to be ready.  As a christian, the devil loves it when we grumble, murmur, or complain.  Therefore he will kick it up a few notches when we purpose to stop doing those things.  He doesn’t think we can do it and he is working to stack the deck in his favor.

That said, the good news is that God does think we can do it.  He is right there ready to help us. After all, He wants us to walk in joy and peace.  Last I checked grumbling, whining, and murmuring were not synonymous with peace.

All of that said, today -day 10 – is starting off very challenging.  I heard some news today that just makes my heart sad.  It’s like this fountain of weariness has threatening to overtake me.

Knowing this is a trial and that I don’t have to act on or live by my feelings.  This is what I did.

I turned to my love letter from God.  Isaiah 40:27-31  I read it in various translations.  The Message bible says it best for me today.

^27-31Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
“God has lost track of me.
He doesn’t care what happens to me”?
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
they walk and don’t lag behind.

I read it over and over again until it permeated my very being and quieted those feelings.   I looked for, found, and allowed truth to rise up.  (Feelings can lie to us and try to sway us to go down a road that is not in our best interest.  I don’t want to be ruled by my feelings.  I want to walk in truth.)

My heart is still sad, but my hope is renewed.  I know that God has a plan.  He is working things out and He is my strength.   I will walk in His truth.

Are your feelings lying to you?

til next time

motorcyclist, drummer, marine, preacher ??

Ever notice that, depending on who you are talking to, you introduce people differently?  Maybe it is because  first impressions do seem to make a difference to a lot of people.

During our motorcycle trip yesterday I gave some thought to first impressions and stereotypes.  In a perfect world, neither would matter.  Have you ever given a bad first impression?  It’s those times that a do over would be nice.  It’s even better when the person doesn’t write you off but realizes that some days are just like that.

I remember back (25 years ago now) when I was going to introduce my boyfriend to my mother and step-dad that there  were lots of ways I could introduce him.

“Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend – he just got out of the Marines.  He was a platoon sergeant for a tank unit.”

(I happen to use this line on a couple of my friends and it didn’t go over well.  Hmmm, what’s that say about the stereotype connected with the Marines?).

So I wasn’t going to use that on mom and dad.  Maybe this one?

“Mom, Dad, this is my motorcycle riding boyfriend BUT, he does wear a helmet. “

nope

“Mom, Dad, I am dating a drummer, whose favorite music is rock and he dislikes country.”

nope

Now all of those things are true, but telling my mom any of that before she got to know him would cause her to waste time wondering about us eloping and him re-enlisting , needlessly worrying about the motorcycle and/or fretting over the music choices.  None of that was necessary.

So instead I introduced him like this………..

“Mom, dad, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend who has one year left at college and he’s majoring  in pastoral ministries.  Yes, he is going to be a pastor.”

I left out the part about him working at a church in North Minneapolis and that this was the direction he saw his life going in the near future.  (North Minneapolis is not the suburbs.)

In time, they realized that he was all those other things.   There was even a time when re-enlisting was tossed around.  (Thank God that was not part of the plan.)

What was the plan though, was that I would marry this  motorcyclist – drum playing – Marine – preacher and move to North Minneapolis.  In time we would leave MN and find ourselves in the beautiful state of Iowa.

He would add husband, father, black belt and professor to the ‘hats’ that he wears.

It is an adventure!

An adventure that started out with my commenting to my friends that I just couldn’t figure out what I had done to make this guy so angry with me.   He would come into the deli every day and no matter how nice I was, he still appeared angry with me.  Turns out that impression was way wrong.

Imagine my surprise and my friends concern when he asked me out.

I soon learned that the expression wasn’t anger but, since he had just gotten out of the marines,  it was his sergeant face.

Preconceived ideas, stereotyping, first impressions, whatever you call it — can get in the way of seeing who the person really is.   I am not a  fan of labels.  I rarely tell people what I do.  I want them to see who I am by how I act.

I, in turn, try not to get caught up in first impressions.  I make a point of looking past the first impression and see all the potential that is there.

til next time

to complain or not to complain?

“God is not motivated or moved by our complaining.”  Joyce Meyers

Did you know that Joyce and I do dishes together?  She is a great help to me.

In all began a few years back.  See  I was in this funk.   I didn’t want to cook.  I certainly didn’t want to do dishes.   I was beginning to dread any time that I had to spend in the kitchen.  As a wife and mother that meant a big chunk of my day was filled with dissatisfaction.

That’s when Joyce came to my rescue.

I had been receiving her ‘teaching of the month’ cassette.   I was building up quite a pile of them.   When the thought hit me (thanks God) that I could put one in while I was working in the kitchen.

What a difference!    We’ve been doing dishes together ever since.  To say that I love my kitchen would be an understatement now!!

So, currently I am listening to “Contentment and Satisfaction — finding Joy in every situation”.    Every situation — yes I have room for growth.

It was during the 4th cd that Joyce made the above quote.  (“God is not motivated or moved by our complaining.” )

Complaining……..murmuring……..whining………muttering…………grumbling

About a month ago I mentioned to my husband that the next time I told him that I did not want to go to work – I had to pay him $1.00.  No big deal, you might think.  However, my husband is a financial guru and we budget everything.  Yes, even down to each getting  an allowance.   (This is money that I do not have to account for. )

How much you ask?  You might be surprised to hear that it is $10 a week.  Yes that is correct $10 a week.  Hey that is $40 a month I do not have to account for.

Why do I tell you this?  Because it is so easy to spend money and not even be aware of how much.   At the end of the month do you know where your money went?   If I did not have a set amount it would be so easy for me to spend three to four times as much during the week just on whatever I felt like at the time.

So when I said I would give him $1 that was huge.  Even greater is the fact that I have not had to pay him, not even once.

That was only the beginning.

My next challenge.

Complaining……..murmuring……..whining………muttering…………grumbling

STOP……CEASE…..ENOUGH……INSTEAD…..BE THANKFUL……BE POSITIVE

Now I am not one of those people who go around complaining and murmuring every chance I get.  I do try to see the good in each situation.  Yet I do find myself griping about the heat, or little things,  or situations out of my control, or the work load — that is a big one, or our crazy schedule …………… words that just don’t need to be spoken.  Period!

Now I’ve managed to sugar coat it so that I can kind of – sort of – justify it but, when Joyce made that statement my heart went ouch.

She also went on to say that we open a door for the enemy, in our lives, we invite destruction through grumbling, fault-finding and complaining.

When I am murmuring the devil is doing a happy dance and just loving it.  Why do you think it is so easy to complain?   Grumbling is contagious but so is thankfulness.  From now on I am going to be mindful to spread thankfulness!

For the next 30 days I am going to attempt to not complain about anything.  Now I know that some of it is habit (i.e.  Oh it is so stinkin’ hot.  or Is it 5:00 yet? whine – whine – whine )  and I will slip up.  But those of you that know me personally — feel free to remind me that I was giving up whining and maybe, just maybe,  you will get a quarter.  (Hey that’s 1/40th of my allowance for the week.)

What is God speaking to you about?

til next time

frustrated or grateful — pick one

I’ve been thinking about blessings today.  Blessings come in all different sizes.   I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to be blessed.

It is a great feeling to experience an unexpected blessing.

As I look around me today, I am reminded of all sorts of blessings that have come my way – both big and small.  I often tell people that  my house is decorated with the love of others.

I have very few things that I have personally bought.  Instead, most things have a story behind them.   I like it that way.  I don’t have to look far to be reminded that I am blessed by wonderful family and friends.

I know people who are ungrateful.  They come in all ages.  This is not a “for women only” disease — men catch it too.   No one is immune to falling victim to this group.    The problem, as I see it, is that when you are a victim of this group you have no idea that you have joined their ranks.    Oh, others can tell, your talk changes.  Your outlook changes.  Ungrateful people are not happy people.  Also, it seems once someone has joined this group, they become intent on recruiting  others.

So where am I going with this blog?

Just as, sometimes, the littlest thing can be the last straw — let your gratitude for little things help you deal with situations that are out of your control.

I really hate to be in an angry stupor.  It is so time-consuming and emotionally draining.  It really has no  lasting value.  It’s not like the last time I got really frustrated is going to be the last time I get really frustrated.

Oooo that was really good.  I better repeat that.

It’s not like the last time I got really frustrated is going to be the last time I get really frustrated.

Life happens.  Pain is inevitable.  What I do with pain is up to me.

That said – then – I needed to  come up with a plan.

Usually when I am struggling with my flesh (you know those times when I have been wronged and my flesh cries out to be vindicated)  you may find me commenting on how grateful I am to have running water.  That’s right, running water.

What does that have to do with the situation?

Absolutely nothing.

However, it is part of my game plan.  What I have learned is that by refocusing my attention onto something else, something I am truly grateful for, it defused my frustration.

Running water leads me to all sorts of things that are generally taken for granted.   i.e.  –functional automobiles, electricity, a/c, stove (talked with a friend today that has recently had her stove taken out by lightning — Thanks  God for my stove), a closet full of clothes (even though I’ve been known to say “I have nothing to wear”),  a fridge full of food,  the list goes on — but I start out with running water because it makes me smile.

I have found that I cannot stay angry (frustrated) and be grateful at the same time.

I’d rather be grateful.

til next time

christian?

A few months back we celebrated 20 years of ministry in a small town church.  20 years!  I’ve lived here longer than anywhere else in my life.

A lot of people have come and gone.   Babies have grown up and are now having babies.   What a joy that is to see!  There is the joy of  new life  and then there is the sadness as we have bid farewell to those who have gone on before us.  One day we will meet again  on that Golden Shore.  (Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones.  Psalm 116:15)

There have been weddings.  I love weddings!  If I could do it over again I would have started a scrap-book with the very first wedding.

There are those who have moved away and those who have moved on.  There are those who have recently joined our family  (quick count and I am up to 23 in the last year and a half  – Thank you God!)

All in all, it has been and is my desire to be real in a world where so many people are trying to be someone who they aren’t.   I have good days and I have bad days.  Life happens.  Yet in and through all of it, God is there.   I am not the perfect Pastor’s wife (not by a long shot)  or the perfect pastor.   However,  I love Jesus and I am learning how to walk in love.  I am finding that to be a life long process.  Some days are easier than others – for sure.

Awhile back I was at a craft store with a dear friend and  saw this fairly large wall hanging.  We talked about what it had to say – about what it means to be a christian.  For our 20th anniversary she gave it to us.  Here is what it said.

When I say “I am a Christian” I’m not shouting “I am saved.”   I’m whispering “I get lost – that is why I chose this way.”

When I say  “I am a Christian”  I don’t speak of this with pride.   I’m confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide.

When I say “I am a Christian”   I’m not trying to be strong.   I’m professing that I’m weak and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say “I am a Christian” I’m not bragging of success.  I’m admitting I have failed and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say “I am a Christian” I’m not claiming to be perfect. My faults are all too visible, but God believes I’m worth it.

When I say “I’m a Christian” I still feel the sting of pain.  I have my share of heartaches – which is why I seek His name.

When I say “I’m a Christian” I do not wish to judge.  I have no authority.  I only know that I am loved.

Christian?

What does it mean to you?

til next time

lookin’ good

Pruning is an unpleasant task; at least that is my opinion.

I don’t like to prune our bushes.  It leaves me exhausted and with a huge mess that someone has to pick up.  It used to be that when the boys were young, one of their chores was to pick up all the branches and weeds that I had piled everywhere.  It sometimes astounded me that there could be so many weeds when I had ‘just’ weeded.  UGH!

However, if I want to get the best out of my bushes then pruning is a must.

A few years back I tackled our lilac bush.  Any branch bigger than my thumb was cut off.   The poor bush looked pathetic when I was done.  I was a tad concerned that I had gone too far, but it wasn’t producing like it should.  Something had to be done.

The next year it produced more blooms than ever before.  This year it truly surprised  me.  The thing  is huge and exploding with blooms.  What a beauty!

Full of blooms !

I got in the picture so you could see just how big it is.   Our 2 1/2 car garage is really behind it somewhere.   Pruning was just what this bush needed.  Hmmm, pruning is what I need at times too.

When God prunes His kids, it isn’t a fun process.  Yet He does it out of love.  God knows that there are things that get in the way.   Sometimes even good things get in the way.   ‘Good enough’ can be a trap to keep you from being the best you that you can be.

God gets out His pruning shears and cuts away.   The process can be painful,  but when all is said and done the end result speaks loudly.    A life in full bloom!

til next time