perimenopause

It is sometimes referred to as the change before the change.

A couple of years ago I found myself in uncharted territory.  My energy level barely registered.  Yet my responsibilities and commitments continued to increase.  Things other people had committed to do but were unable to do (for one reason or another) fell back into my lap.

Picking up the slack is just a part of who I was.  It was one of the hats I wore as a PW.  Adding things to my plate was the norm.  Seeing things that needed to be done or should be done just came  natural to me.  Multitasking was an art form that I had  mastered.

BUT

Things were changing.  I couldn’t seem to get it together.  The pressures of all the various things on my plate seemed to be suffocating me.

Looking back now I realize that I was entering perimenopause.

Perimenopause….

Some women state that they had no symptoms and sailed right thru.  How?  Only God knows.  Sadly it is not my experience.

Here are a few symptoms:  irregular bleeding, problem sleeping, weight gain, hot flashes, bladder control weakness, mood changes, sudden tears, night sweats, fatigue, hair loss, difficult concentration (brain fog), memory lapses, dizziness, bloating, allergies, brittle nails, changes in odor, irregular heartbeat, depression, anxiety, irritability, panic disorder, breast pain, headaches (migraines), joint pain, burning tongue, electric shocks, digestive problems, gum problems, muscle tension, itchy skin, tingling extremities……….

Brain fog is the hardest for me personally.  With all the various things I have going on, multitasking was a huge part of my life.  Brain fog and multitasking mix about as well as oil and water.

I have it on good authority that the brain fog will lift.

So I wait.

While I am waiting:

I will continue to fight the symptoms with prayer and praise.

I will look for ways to reduce multitasking in my life.  One way I have done this is to release myself from helping with the set up of all activities held at the church and the need to be the last one to leave said activities.  In the past 20 years there were but a handful of times that I left an event while clean up was still going on. (All but one of those times has been in the last two years.)

While I am waiting

I will remind myself to take a deep breath.  When pressure increases – breathing can tend to become shallow.  Three deep breaths helps me to focus.

I will extend grace and mercy to those around me who don’t understand.  I will guard my heart.  (Proverbs 4:23)  I will dig deeper into the Word.  When people say things that are hurtful and my hormones are all over the place, I will remember that “nothing shall offend me.”  (Psalm 119:165)

I will be mindful to not do or say something that later I will need to apologize for.  “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable.” (Psalm 19:14)

This starts at home.  Perimenopause can certainly be a trial for my husband.  After all, I don’t understand what is going on – so how could he?

His wife, who used to be able to handle so many things all at once, now at times can’t seem to handle getting supper on the table.  His wife, who one minute is the confident women he married, the next minute is crying over something so very insignificant.

Perimenopause

I am trying to embrace this period of my life.  Yet I wonder at times ‘who is this woman?’

While I am waiting:

I will hold tightly to the King of Kings.  Jesus will bring me through this season of change.  I am confident that all of this will make me more sensitive to the needs of others and more like Jesus.  In my weakness, He is strong.

So to all you women who find that you have entered the peri -cycle – know that you are not alone. Know that this too shall pass.  Be kind to yourself.  Recognize that you may not be able to do everything you could before AND that is ok.

Extend grace and mercy to others for truly you will need some yourself.

And remember that God is an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

til next time

what are you dishing out?

Relationships are multifaceted. I guess that is what makes life so entertaining and at times stressful.

My daddy used to say “Don’t dish it out if you can’t handle it.”  He loved to play practical jokes on people.   He loved it when people gave it right back to him.

I  remember coming home to a whole lot of junk piled in front of our front door because his brother had stopped by and we weren’t home.  It was their family calling card.   I also remember being a partner in crime at his brother’s house  when they weren’t home.

Later there would be the expected phone call.  I can still hear my daddy laughing.  He loved to laugh.

But what about when people dish out words that hurt?

I have been thinking about relationships lately.  A scripture that always pops in my head when dealing with relationships is Psalm 19:14  “Let the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer.” 

I can’t possibly expect good words to come out of my mouth if I am mediating on junk.  If I am rehashing what so and so did to me or said about me or my kids or my husband then I am pretty sure that my mouth will reflect that.

What I think and how I feel about a relationship will be evident in what I say.  What I say will come from what I have allowed myself to meditate on.

“I believe their heart toward me is good.”   Try meditating on that.  Give the person the benefit of the doubt.  Look for the good.

Read how the Message Bible puts it in 1 Corinthians 13

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
   Love doesn’t strut,
   Doesn’t have a swelled head,
   Doesn’t force itself on others,
   Isn’t always “me first,”
   Doesn’t fly off the handle,
   Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

Always looks for the best — Think about your relationships.  How would always looks for the best change that relationship?

What about puts up with anything?  Yes that does mean the clothes that are two inches from the laundry basket.  It can be so easy to nag.   Why not, instead, start commenting on the good things?    Build up instead of tear down.

It’s easy to love people who are loving me  back.  It takes God’s love flowing through me to love people who are being unkind.  It takes God’s love to not be ugly right back.   This is a on-going process.

For a Christian, there is no excuse for ugliness.  That said, there is forgiveness when we fall short.     My prayer has been and will be “Lord help me to not do or say something that I will need to apologize for later.”    You know what?  He does answer that prayer.

til next time

to complain or not to complain?

“God is not motivated or moved by our complaining.”  Joyce Meyers

Did you know that Joyce and I do dishes together?  She is a great help to me.

In all began a few years back.  See  I was in this funk.   I didn’t want to cook.  I certainly didn’t want to do dishes.   I was beginning to dread any time that I had to spend in the kitchen.  As a wife and mother that meant a big chunk of my day was filled with dissatisfaction.

That’s when Joyce came to my rescue.

I had been receiving her ‘teaching of the month’ cassette.   I was building up quite a pile of them.   When the thought hit me (thanks God) that I could put one in while I was working in the kitchen.

What a difference!    We’ve been doing dishes together ever since.  To say that I love my kitchen would be an understatement now!!

So, currently I am listening to “Contentment and Satisfaction — finding Joy in every situation”.    Every situation — yes I have room for growth.

It was during the 4th cd that Joyce made the above quote.  (“God is not motivated or moved by our complaining.” )

Complaining……..murmuring……..whining………muttering…………grumbling

About a month ago I mentioned to my husband that the next time I told him that I did not want to go to work – I had to pay him $1.00.  No big deal, you might think.  However, my husband is a financial guru and we budget everything.  Yes, even down to each getting  an allowance.   (This is money that I do not have to account for. )

How much you ask?  You might be surprised to hear that it is $10 a week.  Yes that is correct $10 a week.  Hey that is $40 a month I do not have to account for.

Why do I tell you this?  Because it is so easy to spend money and not even be aware of how much.   At the end of the month do you know where your money went?   If I did not have a set amount it would be so easy for me to spend three to four times as much during the week just on whatever I felt like at the time.

So when I said I would give him $1 that was huge.  Even greater is the fact that I have not had to pay him, not even once.

That was only the beginning.

My next challenge.

Complaining……..murmuring……..whining………muttering…………grumbling

STOP……CEASE…..ENOUGH……INSTEAD…..BE THANKFUL……BE POSITIVE

Now I am not one of those people who go around complaining and murmuring every chance I get.  I do try to see the good in each situation.  Yet I do find myself griping about the heat, or little things,  or situations out of my control, or the work load — that is a big one, or our crazy schedule …………… words that just don’t need to be spoken.  Period!

Now I’ve managed to sugar coat it so that I can kind of – sort of – justify it but, when Joyce made that statement my heart went ouch.

She also went on to say that we open a door for the enemy, in our lives, we invite destruction through grumbling, fault-finding and complaining.

When I am murmuring the devil is doing a happy dance and just loving it.  Why do you think it is so easy to complain?   Grumbling is contagious but so is thankfulness.  From now on I am going to be mindful to spread thankfulness!

For the next 30 days I am going to attempt to not complain about anything.  Now I know that some of it is habit (i.e.  Oh it is so stinkin’ hot.  or Is it 5:00 yet? whine – whine – whine )  and I will slip up.  But those of you that know me personally — feel free to remind me that I was giving up whining and maybe, just maybe,  you will get a quarter.  (Hey that’s 1/40th of my allowance for the week.)

What is God speaking to you about?

til next time

frustrated or grateful — pick one

I’ve been thinking about blessings today.  Blessings come in all different sizes.   I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to be blessed.

It is a great feeling to experience an unexpected blessing.

As I look around me today, I am reminded of all sorts of blessings that have come my way – both big and small.  I often tell people that  my house is decorated with the love of others.

I have very few things that I have personally bought.  Instead, most things have a story behind them.   I like it that way.  I don’t have to look far to be reminded that I am blessed by wonderful family and friends.

I know people who are ungrateful.  They come in all ages.  This is not a “for women only” disease — men catch it too.   No one is immune to falling victim to this group.    The problem, as I see it, is that when you are a victim of this group you have no idea that you have joined their ranks.    Oh, others can tell, your talk changes.  Your outlook changes.  Ungrateful people are not happy people.  Also, it seems once someone has joined this group, they become intent on recruiting  others.

So where am I going with this blog?

Just as, sometimes, the littlest thing can be the last straw — let your gratitude for little things help you deal with situations that are out of your control.

I really hate to be in an angry stupor.  It is so time-consuming and emotionally draining.  It really has no  lasting value.  It’s not like the last time I got really frustrated is going to be the last time I get really frustrated.

Oooo that was really good.  I better repeat that.

It’s not like the last time I got really frustrated is going to be the last time I get really frustrated.

Life happens.  Pain is inevitable.  What I do with pain is up to me.

That said – then – I needed to  come up with a plan.

Usually when I am struggling with my flesh (you know those times when I have been wronged and my flesh cries out to be vindicated)  you may find me commenting on how grateful I am to have running water.  That’s right, running water.

What does that have to do with the situation?

Absolutely nothing.

However, it is part of my game plan.  What I have learned is that by refocusing my attention onto something else, something I am truly grateful for, it defused my frustration.

Running water leads me to all sorts of things that are generally taken for granted.   i.e.  –functional automobiles, electricity, a/c, stove (talked with a friend today that has recently had her stove taken out by lightning — Thanks  God for my stove), a closet full of clothes (even though I’ve been known to say “I have nothing to wear”),  a fridge full of food,  the list goes on — but I start out with running water because it makes me smile.

I have found that I cannot stay angry (frustrated) and be grateful at the same time.

I’d rather be grateful.

til next time

garbage truck

An important life lesson, one that will make life so much easier is  –”Don’t take it personally. “  This fits right along with one of my signature verses.  “Great peace have they that love Thy law and nothing shall offend them.”  Psalm 119:165

The Law of the Garbage truck!

whether it really happened or not — it is a great illustration!

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!  The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.   And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that?  This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call,  ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’   He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.  They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.  As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you.

Don’t take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.  Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right.  Pray for the ones who don’t.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!

I encourage you to take it one step further.  Many times I have been the one to encounter someone who has just been dumped on.  By offering kindness  I have seen the damage of the garbage truck reversed.

As we allow God to work in us and through us  – we bring to every situation hope — hope that God will turn ashes into beauty, mourning into joy, darkness into dawn,  and that He will make a way where there seems to be no way.  We bring God’s peace into any situation of turmoil.

So don’t take it personally; don’t fall into the offended trap.  Guard against the bitterness root.  Instead like water off a ducks back, let the harshness fall off and let God shine through you.  The more you do this, the easier it will become.

til next time

now please! please? pretty please??

What do you do when you must make a decision and the choices are all unacceptable?

Do you pray about it?

Do you flip a coin?

Do you walk around in denial?  (Denial is just making the choice to do nothing.)

Maybe you get mad and stomp your foot.   (I haven’t found this technique to be very helpful.)

Dr. is still pretty hopeful that the ringing in my ears will stop completely.  The inner ears are now fluid free and appear to be healthy.  Yet the ringing rears its ugly head.  It is  the last thing I hear before going off to sleep and the first thing I hear when I wake up.  It also randomly shows up.

It tests my patience, sanity, and emotions  like nothing else has.

I do have longer periods of silence.   Oh – Silence is golden.  Each time finds me hoping this is it – no more ringing.

The next step?

I could go to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor.  Apparently there is this device that can produce a form of white noise that will actually counter the high-pitched noise I hear.  (On the one hand, it is very impressive that they have this device.  On the other hand, I don’t want something in my ear 24/7.)  I could go have a CT scan.  I could stay with physical therapy.  I could stay on the medicine that I am taking.  I could do nothing, but how long will I be able to do that?

I have often wondered, since this started, if it isn’t one more thing showing me that I still have room for improvement in my schedule and commitment department?  Is it meant to teach me to slow down?

Choices.

As with other huge decisions, I have and will continue to pray about it.  I do believe that God is a God who heals.  I know that He will give to me grace to see me through until such time as the healing is complete.

I also know that I have room for growth.  Sometimes it just seems to be too much and I feel like I have been thrown  two steps backward.  Other times, I have a ‘bring it on’ mentality.   Maybe that is part of the plan – bringing those two sides into some sort of balance.

I wonder, what do other people do who have Eustachian tube dysfunction?

I am so ready for the ringing to stop.  Now ppppllllleeeeaaassseeee!  Please?  Pretty please??

I am waiting.

I am waiting?

Yes, this is why I blog.  Thank you God.

“I’m waiting.  I’m waiting on You Lord, and I am hopeful.  I’m waiting on You Lord, though it is painful but patiently  I -  will -  wait.…”

If you have a moment – listen to this  song.  (It isn’t just about the movie or marriage.  It is about life!)

Ahhh,  God has spoken once again to me through music.  I will wait!

You will need to click on the link to go to YouTube to watch it but it is worth the time.

Is there something that you are waiting for?  While you wait – keep running the race.  You can move ahead bold and confident as you take every step in obedience!!  God is worthy of trust!

til next time

january 9, 2011

Here it is time for my second sermon blog.  (click here for the 1st one)

So grab your Bible, as I won’t be posting all of the scriptures.  I  feel that it is important to look the scriptures up in your own Bible –  to stay familiar with the love letter that God has given to us.  (If you don’t have a Bible let me know.)

January 9, 2011

How 3 Kings dealt with trouble

read 1 Samuel 30:1-8

Here we find David (not yet King at this time) and his fighting men returning to their city.  Upon arriving they found the city had been destroyed by fire and the women and children were taken captive.   (verse 3)

The men turned on David (verse 6) and wanted to stone him.

What was David’s response?

First….He turned to the Lord to strengthen himself.

Second …..David  inquired of the Lord.  (verse 8 )

Third….. David acted.  (verse 10)

Whatever we may face — obstacle — problem — challenge –  God is there.  We are strengthened when we turn to Him.  Then we ask God for direction and move forward.

read –2 Kings 18:1-3

Some kings were good and did what was right in the sight of God.  (verse 3)  Many other kings did not do what was right.

Hezekiah was a good king.

All of us should seek to recognize what is right and then choose to do the right thing.  Right is not always popular or easy.  God rewards right choices!

The Assyrians were coming to destroy Jerusalem.  Chapter 18:31-37 Their message was for the people to not listen to Hezekiah but to give up and they would let them live.  For surely your God cannot deliver you.

read –Chapter 19:1, 14

What did Hezekiah do?  He turned to the Lord.  He takes the letter to God, basically saying “look what they are saying about you.”

Hezekiah trusted God!     What happened?  Chapter 19:35  The angel of the Lord killed 185.000 in the night.  The rest of the army left.   In verse 37 the King of Assyria was killed.

God fought for the nation of Israel.   Trust God!

The third King was eight years old when he became king.

Read –2 Kings 22:1-2

Josiah was pretty radical for God.  He destroyed the foreign gods and restored proper worship to the area.

Chapter 23:25 Josiah served  the Lord more than all others yet in verses 26-29 we find that he was killed at age 39.

Why?

God has a plan.  His plan looks way down the road.  He sees the big picture.  In this case the Southern Kingdom would need to be destroyed.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a place where we cry out “I don’t understand this God.”

There is a gap between our understanding and God’s ways.   We are not God.

Do we trust God?

Josiah had a good 31 year reign.  Then he died and went to be with God.   That is not a bad thing.  This earth is not our final home.  Josiah didn’t lose.  He faithfully served God and trusted Him.

How should we deal with trouble?

Turn to the Lord, do what is right and trust in the Lord!

God has a plan and He sees the big picture.  He is worthy of our trust.  He will strengthen us and guide us as we rely on Him.

til next time

spin cycle

My thoughts are spinning around in my head like a spin cycle that has gotten off track.   When my washer gets out of balance it sounds like it is about to go through the floor.  It tends to knock things around also.  Yes, my thought pattern seems to be pretty close to a spin cycle gone wrong.

That’s where blogging comes in.  It makes me take time to either redirect my thoughts or just get them out there so that I will have room for more.   In keeping with the whole washing machine analogy, it is similar to what happens when you cram the washer way too full.   It doesn’t do what it is intended to do.

In the last 30 days I have dealt with my mother’s issues of health and placement, my son has gotten married (out-of-state), we have been short-handed at work, organized a wedding reception here, dealing with pre menopause  issues, and moved my mother (from out-of-state)  to an assisted living facility in our town.   All of this while trying to work two jobs and stay on top of things at home.  

Then I had someone say to me the other day “You just aren’t your normal jolly self.”

I just smiled.   I won’t share what I was thinking except that it started out with “Ya think??” 

Although even as I write that, God gently reminds me that my joy is in Him and not dependent upon things running smoothly.  I didn’t handle things perfectly but through it all there was only one time that I said something that now I must apologize for. 

One of my mottos for life is that I will not say or do something that I will feel the need to apologize for later.   It really is helpful when I find myself in stressful situations to remember this motto.    In the case I am referring to, it wasn’t what I said but how I said it.  *heavy sigh*  That is material for another blog.

On our trip to drop off Chris and Galina and pick up my mom, we were blessed to see a double rainbow.  It was amazing.

It stayed for quite a while. 

Both ends were visible.  Very rarely do I have the privilege of seeing both ends.  God was making sure that I got the message.  His promises are true. 

God knows the future.  He has us in the palm of His hand.  Sometimes it is hard to see His hand.  This is where trust comes in.  As the song goes, “when you can’t see His hand, trust His heart.”

As I flipped up June’s calendar I was overwhelmed.   This morning it dawned on me that I am in charge of my calendar.  (Why must I keep learning this particular lesson?)  Sure there are things that God intends for me to do.  There are many other ‘good’ things that want my attention.  Wisdom is knowing when to do what. 

I know that if a washing machine continues to spin out of control damage is done.  Sometimes an overhaul is needed.  Sometimes just removing a few things causes it to return to normal function.  One thing is for sure, it was not meant to be stuffed to overflowing nor to be filled unequally.  So it is with my life, stuffed with way too much or living too long without the balance of rest and relaxation causes stress on the body.   My down time has been sorely lacking.

This whole thing with my mother has changed me.  I have only scratched the surface of that change.   When she didn’t want to come down here, I told her we are going on an adventure.  I repeated this several times.    I am sure I will repeat it many more times. 

Yes, blogging is very helpful to me.  Now I have room for some new thoughts.  Hmmm, I wonder what is in store for today?

til next time

ups and downs

In the past my ’diets’ have  resembled a horse race. 

 The gates are opened and it is Determination and Will Power out in front.   Next it is Right Choices with Satisfaction trailing close behind.  Bringing up the rear is Crazy Schedule, Stress, and lastly Frustration. 

Rounding the first corner it is Determination and Will Power still neck and neck.  Crazy Schedule is coming up on the outside.  Stress is trying to keep up with Crazy Schedule.    Frustration is still bringing up the rear.

Crazy Schedule has passed Right Choices and is neck and neck with Determination and Will Power.   Stress has passed Satisfaction and is closing the gap on Right Choices. 

Oh my, Will Power tripped and took Right Choices down with him. 

Wait — What’s this?  Frustration is coming from behind with speed like we haven’t seen here before.  Frustration flew right  past Satisfaction and side-stepped around Will Power and Right Choices.

Frustration,  Stress,  and Crazy Schedule are neck and neck as they round the final corner. 

Frustration wins by a nose!!    

Over and over again history would repeat itself.   I’d go for weeks and then try again.  Only to give up in frustration.   I’d  blame my crazy schedule and stress. 

68 days ago I started what will hopefully be my last ‘diet’.  It sounded all too familiar.  Yet I had to try.

The thing that surprises me most is that I am still working the plan.   Will power and right choices are still sometimes tripped up by frustration, crazy schedules and stress.   Some days satisfaction isn’t even in the race.  Yet the race is continuing.

The difference this time is that I have stopped believing the ‘lie’ that I had to do it perfect.  This time I am trying to extend to myself the same grace and understanding I would give to someone else who is trying to overcome a weight issue.    I would never counsel someone the way I have counseled myself in the past.  I am my very worst critic.  This has been my undoing as far as eating goes. 

I’d love to say that I have lost lots of weight.  Truth is I’ve only lost 18 pounds.   On the other hand, I’ve lost 18 POUNDS!!   When I think of an 18 pound turkey … enough said.

Each day is filled with ups and downs.  Learning to walk a steady course through the ups and downs of eating is something that God wants to teach me.    I hope that I am ready to learn it this time.    It is a daily journey. 

til next time

couch ‘christian’

It’s super bowl Sunday.   Will you be watching? 

For many, plans have been made, snacks purchased and all that’s left is waiting for it to start.  Two teams will face each other and when all is said and done just one team will be the winner. 

 Tomorrow there will be many couch quarterbacks who will be giving their imput on what happened and what should have happened.    For that matter, there will be couch quarterbacks during the game.   Some people are down right funny to watch. 

Then there are all those replays.   A bad play can live on and on — repeated over and over again.  Then just because they can, it will be played in slow motion.

All of this has me thinking about life.  I am glad that there isn’t an instant replay on my life.  I am equally glad that my mistakes don’t play over and over again in slow motion. 

Just like there are couch quarterbacks I believe there are couch ‘christians’.  Oh they don’t call themselves christian at all, but yet there they are talking about other christians like they are the expert.  

I really got a kick out of a professing atheist who said that prayer should be done only in a prayer closet.  Oh there is scripture for that kind of prayer.  There is even a reason for that kind of prayer.  Yet that is not the only way to pray.

The Bible says to pray without ceasing.  Hmmmm, does this mean we live in our closet?  No.  It means to have an attitude of prayer.  To live in such a way that communication is flowing between you and God at any given moment.  

What is prayer anyway?  It is talking with God.  It involves talking and being quiet.  It is a way of life.  It is inviting God into your life.    Phillipians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”    In everything……. pretty much sums it up………everything.

The Bible also talks about praying for one another.   It talks of praying for your enemies.   God’s house is to be called a house of prayer.  No prayer is not just for your closet.

I am glad that in the game of life I am not a couch ‘christian’.   I am also not a couch quarterback!  I have never been one to like to sit on the sidelines.  Life is meant to be lived.

Now about the game…………………wonder what half time will be like?  

til next time