saying good bye

Psalm 116:15 “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints”

Sometimes there just are no words that express what we feel inside.  Death has a way of bringing important things to the top of the list and the realization of how unimportant so many other things really are.

I lost a good friend yesterday.  It is true that some people walk into your life and you are forever changed.  Their  footprints are visible.  

My husband and I have been in ministry for a lot of years.  We have seen the really fantastic side of ministry and we have experienced the not so pleasant side of ministry.   There are those who are with you and those who pretend to be. 

When I first actually met Larry all I knew was that he was going to marry my dear friend.   I was a little skeptical but really it was probably more protective.  I wanted to make sure that he was going to treat her well.  I wanted the ‘moon’ for her.  I earnestly prayed that God’s will would be done.

It didn’t take me long to realize that he was a great guy, that he loved her and would do anything for her.  

There were many times that Larry would come to church and Joann would be in too much pain to come.  He always asked for prayer for her.  I could see his love for her in the way he talked about her, in the concern that was in his voice, and in his desire for her to be pain free. 

Another thing that made Larry stand out was that he would make it a point to share with me something that ministered to him in the worship time.  (I usually led worship for the service he attended).   It didn’t matter if it was a song he knew or one he had never heard before.  God was touching him through the music.  

This was huge to me because so many men (sorry that it seems that I am stereotyping here but this is my take on it) think that worship is too long.  Here was a man that got what worship was all about.  I have song lists circled because it wasn’t just one song but the whole list that he loved.  

He also had a favorite hymn.  It just happened to me by mom’s favorite also.  He Set Me Free — now he is truly free from all pain.  

As he was leaving church he would most often thank Curt for being his pastor.   That is a footprint that forever stays on your heart. 

I had so hoped that God would heal him and let us have him longer.  Yet God’s ways are not our ways.  I don’t understand the reasons why but I am not God.   I know that God is in control. 

My heart goes out to my dear friend.   I know that God has her in the palm of His hand. 

Death is not the end.  We shall one day be reunited with all those who have gone before us.  The Bible tells us that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.  Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life.  Larry knew this. 

til next time

letting go

How a church treats a minister’s children speaks so very loudly to the minister.   Surrounded by friends I made it through this day.    I am so grateful for the love and support that was evident this moring.   Curt and I are blessed. 

When I woke up this morning a part of me certainly wanted to just stay in bed.  Another part of me wanted to capture every moment.  Today was the church’s send off party for Andrew.  By this time next week he will be in Minnesota and our lives will have turned a corner.     

There are so many emotions that I struggle with and am not doing a good job of  dealing with.  Talk about emotional overload.  In less than a week we will be empty nesters.  We haven’t heard about Curt’s ct test.  Then add to this  that I haven’t fully dealt with the realization of my mom’s health issues.  Furthermore, my body can’t decide if it is menopausal or just worn out. 

 There were times during worship this morning where I just stood there with my eyes closed listening to my son sing.  I can’t imagine what next week will be like when he is not there.  Oh, I am trying to get a grip and maintain some semblance of sanity.  My head and my heart are just not in tune with each other. 

It was a full Sunday.   

There was an award’s ceremony for the Rangers.  

Andrew was given a plaque for his years of service as commander. 

 

Susan and Hannah sang “Find Your Wings” by Mark Harris.   

Susan, I know that this was not an easy thing for you to do but it meant more than words can say.  

Hannah I am so glad that you sang with her.  I may have cried through the whole thing but I will always remember it.  

Curt preached a powerful message on “Having Enough – enough time, resources, energy etc to accomplish God’s plan for our lives.   

The problem comes in when we attempt to do things in our own strength, when we step out of the will of God, when we are trying to do more than what God intends for us to do, when we aren’t content with what we have,  when better, bigger, more is our focus and not God…..

Need vs want was addressed.  This is a key element to living within your means.    Great message honey.  Don’t always want to hear it but am so grateful to not be drowning in debt.

 

Two peas in a pod.

Like father like son. 

 

 

 

 

Here is Andrew humoring me.  I love pics  

 

 

 

 

 

Andrew told us that if we bought him a Harley he would not move.  So we did just that.  Here is his Harley!   While  he does acknowledge that it is a very detailed model, the answer was still no.  LOL

 

“How am I doing?”  I’m trying to stay positive.   I am holding on tightly to my trust in God that He will guide my children and see Curt and I through this household change. 

til next time

living life on the fast track

So sometimes it seems like life is similar to a snow ball that starts at the top of a great big hill and then begins to journey downward.  It gains speed and gets bigger as it rolls downward.  The bigger it gets, there just seems to be no stopping it. 

Vacations are a great way to put the brakes on that giant tangled snowball.

Ah, but making it until vacation can be tough.

Then there is the anticipation  that can derail a perfectly good vacation.  Did you know that one’s  expectation can easily reach beyond the scoop of reality.   For that matter just the reduction of stress can cause a whole host of new problems. 

However, long about the end of January I began talking with Curt about getting away.  Between the whole menopausal issues and just plain too stinking busy I wanted a get a way. 

Oh I got one – Curt’s father died and we spent a week a way.  Be careful what you say.  I wanted a break not a stress induced coma!  Praise God that He is there to help. (I did some blogging on that – check it out by clicking here)

Two weeks ago (one weekend before vacation) we find ourselves headed to a little blip in northern MN for the burial of Curt’s dad’s ashes.  The cemetery is connected with the church (which is literally in the middle of nowhere) and they don’t do digging in the winter – thus  the trip in the summer. 

It was truly beautiful country.  We certainly saw a lot of it.  We were in the van for 25 hours in less than a 72 hour time frame.  There were times that we really really wanted to be done driving.

We packed as much as possible in what few hours we weren’t riding in the van.  Friday night we had supper with Chris, Galina,  my sister, her family, and  my mom.

         

The high light was getting to spend Friday night at Chris’ apartment.  We picked up a  movie at Red box.  I promptly fell asleep.  It was just like home.  I loved it.   Here is Chris and Galina in his apartment.

              

Curt and I had a few short moments to take in the beauty of the northern woods.  Curt did the grave site service.  I am so very proud of him.

           

Can you say ‘canned smile’?

We all took a trip to the old home place.  It was really neat to traipse around – that is until Kristen found a tick on me.  Yup I was so done   What was I thinking?  The grass was knee high and perfect for ticks.  Found another one on my leg as we were leaving.  Oh I hate ticks!

Here is Grandma and grand kids in front of the farmstead.

        

On the return trip home we picked up Galina and had lunch at Ruby Tuesdays with her family.  The first of many lunches I am sure

It was a very full weekend!

Then it was work one more week during the day and go hither thither and yon each evening.   Our life as a ministry family has certainly never been boring. 

At last it was vacation time.  More on that week later – I’ll just say for now that it was great!! 

We got home from vacation on Saturday and as all Pastor families know – Sunday is the busiest day of the week.  I do think that next year I will try to not plan the church picnic on the Sunday we get back.    Although it was a very relaxing time.  It’s just that I am not unpacked nor ready for work tomorrow.  Life rolls on……

life on the fast track — have to remind myself that life is really about the journey 

til next time

watching you

No man is an island.  I don’t know how many times I have heard that saying.  Yet it is so very true.  My actions, words, and attitude affect those I come in contact with.  

People do notice what other people do.  

It is my desire to be real  24/7.  When the boys were little, it quickly became my prayer that God would help me to be an example of what it means to follow after Him.  It was and is very important to me that my boys would not have cause to think that mom is one way at home and one way around others. 

I have heard countless stories of hypocrisy.  It does so much damage — senseless damage. 

That said I knew that my kids would be watching me.  Now that they are 21 I see bits and pieces of Curt and I in their mannerisms. 

Rodney Atkins hit it on the head with this song.

I am not a fan of country music.  Yet Andrew talked me into listening to this song.  I now have a country music song I really like. 

No man is an island.  People do notice.

til next time

sunset

As the sun sets and the day comes to a close I reflect on the happenings of today. 

It seems the more I long to slow down and carve out more wiggle room in my schedule, the crazier each day becomes.

A friend left this message on my land line  – “hahaha yah right — (snicker snicker)”.    What was she giving me grief about?  

Our machine had malfunctioned and returned to the generic guy, so my darling husband had re-programed our answering machine.   He said “…..leave a message and we’ll get back to you.”   

Why did she laugh?  Maybe it had something to do with her leaving me a message 3 or 4 days ago and still waiting for me to ‘get back to her’. 

I quickly reminded Curt that the message needed to be changed.  There is a reason why I didn’t have that last part on there before.  LOL  Since I don’t usually call the land line, I hadn’t heard his new message.    

Now before you go thinking that I am just a horrible pastor’s wife because I don’t immediately return phone calls, I will mention that I do return phone calls eventually.  In this case the very next day I called my friend during my lunch break and promptly told her to call my cell phone from now on. 

Cell phone is a good idea — land line not so much.  Why??   This past week – I was not home in the evening one single night.    By the time I do get home, it is too late to return any phone calls.  Then I get up the next day and start all over again. 

So here I am at the end of another day.   

Tomorrow is our day off and I am so looking forward to sleeping in.   Maybe I will make a few phone calls later in the day or not.  

For sure I do plan on seeing the sun set and reflecting on the day. 

til next time

fun packed weekend

Just how much fun can one person have in one short weekend? 

What does a pontoon ride, eagle’s nest, sunset, camping, friends,  farkle,  rain, more rain, broken hatch, shopping – new purse, gift of daisies and 2 night stay at an area lodge, motorcycle ride, artist in the park, barge going through the lock and dam, ice cream , strolling along the Mississippi, and the Great River Road have in common?

They were all a part of this past weekend.

Curt decided that since we were going to have to open up the camper to transfer all the ’stuff’ that we might as well take it on one last camping trip.

I went on my first local pontoon ride.  Even though I have an irrational free of boats, the pontoon was great.  When the guide introduced himself, he said that he would be our ’skipper’.  Well, one of my friends thought he said ’stripper’ and was quite concerned as to just what type of boat this was.  Laughter is real good medicine.

It was the start of a great weekend.

      

While camping, we had quite a few friends stop out.  One of the benefits to camping locally is that people can come out and join in the fun.  I’ve been told it is the best way to camp.  You get the enjoyment of the camp fire, the yummy food (mmmm smores),  good times and then get to go home and sleep in your own bed. 

I learned a new game.  Farkle is a dice game.  Really it is a game of chance.  It started to sprinkle as we were playing.  We kept on playing.  I love a gentle rain.

It continued to rain most of the night.  Our camper didn’t leak (praise God).  The sound of the rain was soothing.  The late night walk to the bathroom was kind of like a moonlight stroll with a gentle rain –oh so romantic.  Well, ok it wasn’t quite that, but it was an adventure.

Time to leave and our hatch is broken.  Where are the trailer lights?  They are inside the van, of course.  Just a bit of a problem.  Another advantage to camping close is that we could load up and  then head home to get the car to bring the camper home.  

The fun filled weekend has not come to an end.  We then picked up Andrew and headed out to supper.  Andrew is truly enjoying his new job.  No more working weekend nights.  

Then I did ‘force’ them to go to Kohl’s.  I had a 30 % off coupon and that just doesn’t hardly ever happen.  It was a success.  I found a purse that had my name written all over it.

Sunday found me leading worship (both services) , teaching the adult class, and pitch hitting for children’s church.  In the midst of all of that the church honored me with a two nights stay at a local lodge for Pastor’s Wife appreciation.  Now that is the way I like to camp!  (Also got a beautiful plant — daisies of course!)  What a wonderful surprise.

Ah, but the day is not over.  We took our first road trip of the season on the cycle.  Andrew was able to join us.  What a beautiful day to be on a bike.  Lots of people had the same idea.  Bikers everywhere.

We headed to this quaint little town along the Mississippi.  We took a stroll down the main street.  We visited with an artist while he was painting.  A barge was making its way through the dam.  We stopped for ice cream at the local ice cream parlor.  It was like a step back in time.     

          

Just how much fun can a person cram into a weekend?  It was great!!  Now if I can just remember that when I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. 

til next time

walk a mile in my mocassins

It saddens me how quickly some Christians can be judgmental or harsh in their flippant comments.   Is it any wonder that some people will have nothing to do with Christianity when they have been extended the hand of someones self righteousness disguised as Christianity?  Pride is right on the heels of such comments.     How it must sadden the heart of Christ.

I was reminded today again of the importance of extending to people grace and mercy.  Unless we are in their shoes, we really don’t know all that is going on.  As we look at someone’s life it can be easy to jump to conclusions.  Usually, this means jumping to the wrong conclusion.

I heard from another pastor’s wife about how their church had a meeting with her husband and one of the complaints was that the  pastor was letting too many ‘outsiders’ in?   Huh?? Wow!  What does Jesus say about this?   It does remind me of the Todd Agnew song “My Jesus”.

As a pastor’s wife I have been on the receiving end of many a wrong judgment or harsh comment.     I firmly hold to the scripture that says to live in such a way as to silence the talk of ignorant men.  (1 Peter 2:15)  I have seen it work.

Oh, at the time it hurts (pastor’s wives have feelings just like everyone else) but I know where to run to.  I run into the arms of my Jesus and He soothes my wounded heart and He gives me a love for that person when just moments before I may have wanted to give them a piece of my mind or a taste of their own medicine.    Instead, Jesus helps me to not walk in the flesh and He keeps me from sinking into despair. (I will note here that sometimes it takes awhile to reach this point – it does mean letting go and letting God)

What happens when the comment or judgment is directed at someone new in Christ or someone who has given up on the reality of God (atheist or agnostic or back slidder)?   For someone new in Christ it can be a real deterrent to growth.  For the others, it will only enforce the negativity they have towards Christianity.  How this must sadden the heart of God.

We (Christians) are called to be imitators of Christ.  We may in fact be the only Bible some people read.  The way we treat people does affect how they view Christianity.  

In the early years I informed our youth group that this was a safe zone.   There would be no put downs allowed.  What one person means as a joke another takes to heart and is wounded.   The truth is there can be an element of true feelings that comes across as “I was just joking’.  The church is called to lift up not tear down.  

Sometimes, many times, most of the time, there is more going on than just what we see.  People are dealing with all sorts of issues.  We can either be a part of the problem — or we can be a positive influence on those around us.

I want to be like my Jesus.  For those God puts in my path that are aetheist, agnostic, or back slidden –  I want my life to cause them to rethink what they believe to be true.  I want to be like my Jesus.   

Here’s Todd Agnew’s song – listen to it if you have time. 

Who do you want to be like?  Will Jesus be accepted in your church?

til next time

who is your God?

Webster’s dictionary defines God as - supreme being.   That’s it.  Maybe that is because to truly describe God would take more time and space then they felt could be devoted to defining one word. 

Who is my God?  He is the Almighty, Creator, Sustainer, Provider, Healer, Wonderful, Counselor, Prince of Peace, Omniscient (all knowing), omnipresent (ever present) and that is only the start.  My heart swells when I think that God, being so much greater than I can even proclaim, reaches down through space and wraps me in His embrace.  He knows my every thought and loves me just the same.  

God is an ever present help in whatever trouble I face.  The road I walk down I don’t walk down alone.  Life as a pastor’s wife can at times be a lonely road.  I don’t know how to get around that.  It just has it’s season.  Ah, but it is just that a season.  Yet it is in those seasons that faith grows deeper.    For you see God truly is enough.  I don’t serve a mamby pamby God but a God who is able to do more than I can think or even dare to dream.  He is not limited by those things that I think limit me.  Nothing is too difficult for Him. 

For some their God is money or status or an accumulation of things or even worse some supreme being without any real power to impact their lives.  That is so sad to me.  God is not some far off deity that in unconcerned about His creation.  There is no where a person can hide that God is not there. 

God sees inside my heart and hears me even when I have no words to say.  

God is amazing.  Chris Tomlin nails it with this song.

  

til next time

simple pleasures

When I was a kid I could ride my bike for hours or go horse back riding for an entire afternoon.  As I entered college I remember heading to the beach after class and spending the rest of the afternoon lounging around with my friends.  Simple pleasures were just a part of my life.  Ah, it was good!

Then I had twins and was blessed to be (for the most part) a stay at home mom.  There were still afternoons of bike riding or going to the pool.  Exploring an outdoor playground or spending the afternoon playing games was a common occurrence.  Money was tight and simple pleasures were abundant and didn’t cost much.  Ah, it was good!

Now my boys are grown and in college, I’ve added a second job,  there is more to do then time to do it, and I am getting older.  I had a friend  ask me what I did with all my time now that the boys are grown.  What???  Time?????   What time???  Ah, this is not good!

So I’m thinking that maybe I need to have a baby.  Yes, you read that right.   It was raining today and I miss splashing in the puddles.  I miss being a stay at home wife and mom.  Seriously though I think I have grown up too much.  When did it become ok to be so busy that I don’t take time to reconnect with old friends?  I am thinking more and more that ministry leaders wear their busy schedules as a badge of ‘honor’.   Like if my schedule is complicated and extremely full then surely I must be doing things right.  100 years from now will it matter?  5 years from now will it matter?  Tomorrow will it matter?

A  big thing now is all different ways of saying  ’simple pleasures’ – ’simplify’  – ‘relax’ – ‘enjoy’  there is even signs reminding you to ‘laugh’ etc.  I have a piece of wood that says ’simple pleasures‘  that’s it just ’simple pleasures’.  My friend gave it to me awhile ago.  It is one of my favorite knick knacks.  Why?  It is because the message is so strong.  

I’ve decided that since a baby is out of the question (right Curt??) that I am going to make it a point each day to schedule (if I have to) simple pleasures into my life.  Sounds pretty lame but in the same way that some ministers need to pencil in their family, I am at a point where I need to pencil in simple pleasures.

The first thing to be added to my schedule (yup I am adding something) is tea time.  I mentioned to Galina the other day that I think I must only love the  idea of tea.  I buy tea all the time but hardly ever drink it.  So therefore I must just love the idea of tea.  You know relaxing with a cup of hot tea.   It is time to make that idea a reality.  It’s a start or I could see about that baby. 

til next time

mink coat

God has an interesting way of doing things.  Many times I will just step back for a moment and stand in awe of what has just happened.  It has been my prayer lately to be more aware of God’s finger prints in my life.  I don’t believe in coincidences.  I do believe that God is in control and things happen for a bunch of reasons.  God is not some far off Deity that isn’t concerned about His creation.  He blesses in amazing ways.  Sometimes I am aware of His blessings right away.  It is my desire to be more and more aware of the wonders of God.

So here’s the story of the mink coat.

Before my father-in-law passed away there had been numerous challenges and situations that we were dealing with.  Life in the parsonage is not ever boring here.  In fact I was pretty much at my breaking point.  Yet God promises to not give me more than I can handle with His help.  It’s just that I really have no idea just how much I can handle.  Therefore there are  times I  think I  just can’t take one more thing.  Well, that is pretty much where I was at.  I was holding on to God tightly (Deut. 30:20 “…by holding fast to Him…)  and looking for that rainbow.

Then we get the news that Curt’s dad is at death’s door.  We begin preparations to head up north.  With four jobs that is not a simple task.  Before we leave we receive the news of his death.  We then make additional preparations as we know now that we will be gone for x amount of days.

I am more than a bit concerned about how I will cope.   It has been a most difficult couple of months.  Add to that all that a funeral entails and the fact that there would be no ‘wiggle room’.  Since we were staying with family, there wouldn’t be any alone time either.  I am most definitely a person who needs down time.  This had the makings for a disaster. 

My prayer became “Lord please help me to not do anything that I will need to apologize for later.”   I prayed that a lot.  

(Due to a prior committment we took a trip to Des Moines in the middle of all the funeral preparations.  That turned out to be a huge blessing from God.  I was able to have lunch with a very special friend.  Only God could know just how important that would be.  He does make a way for us.)

After the funeral everyone but Diane stopped by the cabin.  Grandma was in her glory, going through and giving away some of grandpa’s things.  The grand kids drug out the sled and did some sledding.  It was a highlight of the week.  Curt’s brother and family are from Georgia, so it’s not like they are going to be getting back to the cabin anytime soon.  If ever again. 

As we were getting ready to leave, Grandma asked me if I was interested in her mother-in-laws mink coat?  I was sure it wouldn’t fit but I tried it on and wa la.  It fit!!   Her daughters are quite slender and Jan (daughter-in-law) is much taller with longer arms, so in this case I was Goldilocks and it was just right. 

It was later that it dawned on me that God had answered my prayer.  He had helped me to successfully not do or say anything that I would need to apologize for.  The mink coat is a warm (very warm) hug from God.  Now each time I wear it I am reminded that even in extremely stressful situations God is a present help and with Him I can handle way more than I thought possible.  It is just like God to go above and beyond the helping point right into the blessing point!!!

til next time