Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

angry at God?

A week ago hubby and I spent the night at my sisters.  It was great to see her and the family.  It was bitter sweet to see my mom.  My mom is moving much faster through the stages of dementia than I ever dreamt possible. 

I thought I had time.  Time, it turns out, is one thing that I really don’t have. Time marches on no matter how I deal with each day or situation.  Time does not wait for me to wrap my head around losing pieces of my mother.  Time does not care that I live far away.

When my friends have dealt with parents with dementia/ alzheimers  I have always said that I didn’t have any answers.  It is something I can’t explain.   I cried with them.  I prayed with them.  I grieved with them.  The only thing I did  know was that God was still God and He was in control.

As we were leaving my sisters on Saturday I realized that I was angry with God.  I voiced this out loud because I knew that it was something that I could try to hide but that would only make things worse.  I needed to have it out there so I would deal with it.  Besides I couldn’t hide it from God if I wanted to. 

Here is what I have come to terms with: 

anger is not a sin – sinning in my anger or because of my anger is sin, 

denial is a road better left untraveled, 

 bad things happen and I may never know why, 

walking in the truth means acknowledging the anger and then allowing God to wash me with His peace, 

and most important is the fact that God is still in control.  He is not unaware of the life my mother has lived.  He is not unaware of the life she is living now.  He is still God and I am not.

Anger in and of itself is not the issue.  It is what I do with the anger that becomes the issue. 

nursing the anger – pity,

fueling the anger – outbursts,  

blame game – this one is huge in destroying relationships,

misplaced anger – being harsh with others — the list goes on of things that are not right. 

 There are numerous scriptures that deal with the writer and his anger.  The key is the writer does not stay in his anger but comes back around to focusing on the goodness of God.

When God is magnified – problems become small in comparison.  Hope soars.

When the problem is magnified – hope shrinks and it is easy to put God in a box.

Today I am once again looking at things as “It is what it is”.  I can’t make things be the way I want them to be.  I can choose to trust God and let Him work things out for my good – for my mother’s good.

I trust God.

til next time

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March 13, 2010 - Posted by | dementia, relationships, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , ,

11 Comments »

  1. I understand your anger at God. Sometimes things happen in my life that make me question how a loving God could “allow” something bad to happen. This anger was misdirected, however, as I’ve come to accept that man, or nature, or luck, or fate are the causes of “bad things”. God is there to catch us when we fall, but he cannot prevent the fall from happening. And, with a belief in the afterlife, I reason that suffering for a lifetime is nothing compared to the joys of heaven forever.

    Lindsey Petersen
    http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

    Comment by 5kidswdisabilities | March 13, 2010 | Reply

  2. Lindsey – I agree that nothing can compare to the joy of heaven forever. The problem, as I see it, is that people want to know the ‘why?’ or ‘how can that be?’ answers and so many times we just won’t know. Only God sees the whole picture. Praise God that He is with us through it all. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    Comment by Gloria | March 13, 2010 | Reply

  3. For me, learning to accept this kind of thing is some of the hardest work I have to do as a Christian. It sort of became almost like “forgiveness work.” I had to forgive God for not intervening on behalf of my grandma and mother in law. When we KNOW God can change it…and yet he doesn’t? It’s hard.

    If we’re willing, *eventually* our pain and helplessness take us to a new level of acceptance and trust in God’s will. But it’s a process.

    Yes, anger comes first. For me, it preceded the grief. Finally, as you allude to in this piece, comes acceptance…that our Father understands and doesn’t disown us when we express all our anger and sadness and helplessness to him. He loves us…and those we love…through the whole thing.

    One thing I held onto was that it’s not emotionally “as bad” for the person with dementia as it is for the people who love them. They don’t experience it the same way. I was skeptical at first, but I came to see that it’s mostly true. Which is some comfort, I think.

    You’re in my prayers, G.

    Comment by Cherie Bell | March 14, 2010 | Reply

    • Cherie, thanks for the prayers. “In acceptance lieth peace” a quote I have repeated many times lately. Grief/deep sorrow came first for me – I remember, like it was yesterday, finding out from the doctor and then trying to lead worship that night at church. Raw pain is the only way I can describe it. Certainly not the way I would have liked to deal with the news but God sees the bigger picture. Looking back it certainly kept it real for me – walking in the truth and all that jazz.

      This recent episode with my anger kind of surprised me.

      Comment by Gloria | March 15, 2010 | Reply

  4. Gloria, thank you for this. I’m so sorry about your mother. I have a friend (another PW) going through this pain. My grandmother is in final stages of alzheimers and my grandfather’s suffering while he cares for her and watches his sweet love slip away is devastating.

    I love what you said about anger. Thanks.

    Comment by Sarah | March 14, 2010 | Reply

    • Sarah – saying a prayer for your grandmother and grandfather. It is a hard road but God is ever and always there.

      Comment by Gloria | March 15, 2010 | Reply

  5. Christians are people.
    People have emotional responses.
    God understands.
    God cares.

    God is worthy of our trust.

    Comment by Pastor Curt | March 17, 2010 | Reply

  6. Your anger is the anger of a child! Certainly the child does not know the strange and mysterious ways of her father. Love your ultimate father – God, unconditionally. Things will not be different than they are going to be. He will make you aware of his ways for sure if you do that.

    God Bless You.

    Comment by Kamal Thakur | March 19, 2010 | Reply

    • Kamal – you are so right about it being the anger of a child. For indeed I am a child of God and as He is my Father I can come to Him in full assurance that He will love me, comfort me, and set me back on the path again.

      However, “Things will not be different than they are going to be.” ?? Not sure exactly what you meant by this statement. I fully believe that the Bible teaches us that God has given us a free will to choose and that the things we choose do have consequences. I do not believe that we are merely puppets on a string and that whatever is going to happen will happen regardless of what I do or don’t do.

      I also believe that walking in the truth is vital to one’s growth in the ways of God. The Bible tells us to Love the Lord thy God with all that we are. Anger is not an absence of love — it is an emotion and what we choose to do with it determines how much love is there. I choose to bring it to my Father and allow Him to help me get through it.

      Comment by Gloria | March 19, 2010 | Reply

  7. “There will be no peace on Earth until My Son’s Kingdom. I will crush every kingdom now standing and rock the earth off its foundation. I Yahweh will destroy every enemy to My throne, and who can stop Me? Who can turn back My anger? No one.” – Yahweh

    Matthew 10:34 “Don’t assume that I came to bring peace on the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”

    Exodus 15:3 “The LORD is a warrior; Yahweh is His name.”

    Yahweh, our God and Creator pours out His wrath upon mankind leading up to Armageddon. It is His will that you all know exactly where it is coming from.

    Comment by reginaadonna | November 8, 2010 | Reply

    • reginaadonna – I encourage you to read the whole Word of God. Taken out of context you can pretty much imply whatever you want. Taken in context you get the full picture of who God is.

      I draw your attention to the gospel of John “For God so LOVED the world that He GAVE His ONLY begotten Son that whosover believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting LIFE. God will not destroy anyone who calls upon Him and believes in His son.

      Yes, there is a hell but God sends no one there. People will choose of their own free will and if they choose to have nothing to do with God then in the end they will get just what they wanted. Eternity without God.

      God does not look lightly on sin. He is indeed a just God. That said His word also tells us that it is His will that no one perish. Yet He gives to us a free will. He wants us to come to Him out of love not as a robot.

      The Bible is filled with scriptures that speak of hope, love, God’s mercy, grace, all poured out on His kids. It also talks of the judgment for sin. God doesn’t just look the other way when injustice is done. However, He does offer to all of us forgiveness and a new start.

      I can testify to the peace that resides in my heart because of Jesus. This doesn’t mean that things are perfect but that through it all I have hope and peace.

      Lastly — did you even read my post or did you just go off of the title? My blog had nothing to do with God’s anger.

      Comment by Gloria | November 9, 2010 | Reply


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