Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

He will carry you, part 2

Time for an update.   To read the beginning click ->  He will carry you part one

Since I posted last, it seems that time has stood still.  I have no other explanation as to how so very much could happen in such a short period of time.

Mom was admitted to the hospital that Saturday night.  With Sunday being such a full day around our house and Monday we were going to be short 2 people already at the clinic, I made the decision not to head up there.

I kept in contact with my sister and my mother.

On Monday I spoke with the nurse and she assured me all was being taken care of.  On Tuesday, I again spoke with the nurse, doctor, social worker, my mother, my sister….. (you get the point)  and determined that I needed to head up there.    (Curt and I made all the necessary arrangements.  Oh for the day when life was easy)

They were releasing my mother on Wednesday.  I had to make the decision to put mom in a rehabilitation care center (nursing home).  She needs 24 hour care and therapy.  I could not let her go back to my sisters.  (My sister is raising 2 teenagers and homeschooling one of them)  The doctor and the social worker were pushing for sending her back to Carolyn’s.  They didn’t have a clue.

I did not want to be the one to do this.  Yet my sister couldn’t.  They would have taken mom home with them.   I couldn’t let that happen.  My brothers weren’t there.  A decision had to be made.

Yet, putting her in the nursing home was indeed the worst day of my life.  I can’t begin to put into words just how that affected me.   I  would tell myself that this is just for the rehabilitation process –  all the while  knowing that she may not get to the point that she would be released from 24 hour care.

Then the thought would surface, if she can be released where will she go?   My sister has her hands full.   Hubby and I are working two jobs each.  ??

We were up there through Friday.  Mom did not want to be there.  Everyone knew that.   It was the first thing Florence said to us.  ( She eats at mom’s table).

Then I told her we had to head back to Iowa….. how I wish I could get her facial expression removed from my memory.    It breaks my heart still.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Friday night mom developed a temperature.  She has an infection in her lungs.

Still dealing with the guilt of that, on Wednesday, I get the call that she fell.  She was taken to the hospital and admitted once again.   She has a fractured vertebrae.

I know in my head that it is not my fault but there is no telling my heart that.

Curt has said that he will do whatever I decide.  He offered to go get her and bring her to our house.  We would work out the 24 hours care needed and ALL the other details.  This I want to do.

Yet, my son is getting married in two weeks and is counting on us for many things in the next two weeks.  I just can’t do that to him.

Torn between my mother and my son.  In a perfect world this would not happen.  BUT —  It Is What It Is!!  (i.i.w.i.i)

Through it all, I know that God has a plan.  I know that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle.  I also know that I don’t have a clue as to just how much I can handle.    I am learning first hand that ‘With God I can do all things” is a very  powerful verse.

Of one thing I am sure — God will carry you no matter what you face.

til next time

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May 1, 2010 - Posted by | dementia, just thinking about stuff | , , , , , ,

12 Comments »

  1. Five years ago I was caring for my mother at home while cancer was taking her home to God. No matter what choice I made, I wondered if another would be better…for her, for me, for my family. Only God knew, but I sure wished He would send a sign I could read.

    You and all your family are in my prayers. He will, indeed, carry all of you!

    Comment by Ruth | May 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you Ruth. It is so hard to know. We prayed for God’s guidance and that He would pave the way. Yet second guessing has become quite common lately

      Comment by Gloria | May 1, 2010 | Reply

  2. Sorry…this is the second time today I misspelled my blog address. This should link correctly.

    Comment by Ruth | May 1, 2010 | Reply

    • thanks I will be over

      Comment by Gloria | May 1, 2010 | Reply

  3. Oh, sweetie. My heart goes out to you.

    Love you.

    Saying prayers for God’s good will to be revealed.

    Comment by Cherie Bell | May 1, 2010 | Reply

    • thanks Cherie — Love you too!!

      Missing you 😦

      Comment by Gloria | May 1, 2010 | Reply

  4. Oh Gloria,, I am SO sorry for all you are going through! Nothing can truly prepare us for that with the parents who have cared for us.

    Comment by Sarah | May 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Sarah – thank you. It is a new chapter in the journey of life. I try to live in a way so as not to have regrets. This chapter I am not succeeding. I have already too many regrets. I am trusting, though, that God is my all in all.

      Comment by Gloria | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  5. Can you remember when life wasn’t busy?

    Comment by Pastor Curt | May 3, 2010 | Reply

    • Yes, I can — it was when we were first married and we actually went to bed before the 10:00 news. Then there was the time when we lived in the apartment — no upkeep, no lawn mowing, no repairs, no painting, no projects, one car to maintain, ……. of course we did have to deal with neighbors that were from Mars 🙂 But life was slower then.

      Comment by Gloria | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  6. Gloria my precious sister, you are my life saver, when I was sinking and I didn’t think there was no way out, you and Curt came to my rescue. I am so sorry I couldn’t deal with it and you had to make a trip to the cities to put mom in the nursing home for rehab.
    Now I haven’t been sleeping well, because I keep waking up at night thinking what are we going to do this coming week with mom. She wants to come home and a nursing home is no place for her and now wherever she goes I will be putting her there, not you. You have did way more than you should have had to do and I thank you so very much. Your the BEST Sister ever!!!!!!

    Comment by Carolyn | May 23, 2010 | Reply

    • this is a decision that should not rest on one person. Praying

      Comment by Gloria | May 23, 2010 | Reply


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