Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

will the buzzing stop?

So tonight I was thinking what if it never gets better? Then what?  Generally this is not a good game to play.  The game of ‘what if’.  However, tonight it resulted in  a turning point.

It has been over a month now that I have been dealing with this high-pitched ringing in my head.  Sometimes it sounds kind of like a vacuum cleaner.  Lately it has been this very high-pitched buzzing noise.

Last night it was extremely loud.  It pretty much consumed me.

So what to do?  I got on-line and googled my symptoms again.  This time I did a very in depth search. Big mistake!

If you want to have the bee geebers scared out of you, forget scary movies,  just put any symptoms you are currently dealing with into a google search.  It is frightening.  It will be a long time before I do that again.   Eeeck!

Oh the things that could be going on.

Then as if that wasn’t enough, it  dawned on me that when I went to the doctor the first time I had told him that I  had been dealing with this for about a week and a half.  I grabbed my December calendar (physical therapy has been asking me if I had done anything different….)  Well, 10 days before my appointment with the doctor I had been to the chiro.  Everything was out of whack including my neck.    Can it have anything to do with this?

So I googled that too.  Big mistake.  Do you know what can happen to you when you have your neck ‘cracked’?  I wish I didn’t know.

I mentioned my chiro visit  to my doctor today  and asked him if that could be causing the ringing?  He raised an eyebrow and didn’t give me an answer.  Hmmmm.

Instead, he gave me one more prescription to speed up the process.  He is convinced that I have what’s called  eustachian tube dysfunction.  He is confident that it will go away.  Physical therapy is helping.  So I will continue with that.

I have actually had time where there was no ringing.  It was wonderful.   Background noise is so over rated.

However, it has not lasted.   Occasionally I have light-headedness also.  There are times I truly think I am going to go off the deep end.  The doctor gave me medication for that too.

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever faced.  The realization of that truth tonight has helped me turn the corner.   What if it doesn’t get better?  What if this is as good as it gets?

I have begged God.  I have laid it at His feet.  I’ve quoted scripture.  I have tried to make a deal with Him.  This last one I am sure was quite funny to God.

What if this is my cross to bear?  What if, for reasons only God can know, this is exactly how it is to be right now?

Wait, that’s it.

Ah …yes…  there is my faith again.

This did not take God by surprise.  He was not off on vacation and just got back to find me in this horrible place.  No, He has been there all along.  Somehow, someway,  (again for reasons only God can know right now) this is what it is.  Yes,  IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!

How have I forgotten that?

It is what it is.

I can’t change it — no matter how much I desire it to change.  On my own I can’t even change the way I deal with it.  I can let God help me change the way I deal with it.

I am grateful to all who have prayed for me.  I asked for prayer tonight at Bible study.  I asked for healing and for the grace needed to deal with this until the healing is complete.

God will give me grace.  He will see me through this trial.    That is what He does.  I will come through it a better person because now my eyes and ears are once again focused on God and not the distraction that is going on in my head.

Will it be easy?  No.  Please keep praying.

til next time

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January 19, 2011 - Posted by | just thinking about stuff, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. […] I would think after my great revelation the other night (click here to read about it) that I would be doing so much better.  My head is back on straight so  whether or not my head is […]

    Pingback by tested « Living Life in a Fish Bowl! | January 24, 2011 | Reply

  2. God’s grace is sufficient.

    Comment by Pastor Curt | January 27, 2011 | Reply


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