Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

music speaks

The other day I was riding in the car with Curt and I expressed to him that I was tired.  Nothing new about that statement.  I have been feeling worn out a lot lately.  It seems like  I wake up with very little – if any energy.

Then I said something to him that even surprised me.

I said, “No,  it isn’t tired.     I    am    weary.   I think this is what weary feels like.”

Before he could say anything a song came on the radio.    In the silence this is what I heard.

“I am tired, I’m worn.  My heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing…………….”

Tenth Avenue North — Worn from their Struggle tour

“”I know that You can give me rest.  So I cry out with all that I have left.  Let me see redemption win.  Let me know the struggle ends.  That you can mend a heart that’s frail and worn.”

Weary.

I don’t understand it.    I am very familiar with the scripture in Galatians (6:9) “And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”  and in 2 Thessalonians (3:13)  “But ye, brethren, be not weary in well-doing.”  I have quoted both of these numerous times.

Yet I also know that God says in Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

Very much in need of rest.

I don’t get weary.  At least I didn’t used to get weary.  Tired, sure but that is not the same as weary.   This new realization seemed to have knocked the breath right out of me.  As if that wasn’t enough then this part of the song came on.

“I’m worn even before the day begins.  I’m  worn, I’ve lost my will to fight.  I’m worn so heaven come and flood my eyes.  Let me see redemption win…….”

The writer of this song understands.    What’s even more important is that God understands.

I am weary of the weight of my mom’s illness (dementia),  my overall work load,  pay checks being short,  the intense spiritual battle that comes from pastoring a small town church, insurance rates rising, being short-staffed for months at work, the pressure to always be ‘bubbly’, perimenopausal symptoms,  the diet/exercise health issue, and then there are the petty issues that never used to bother me.

However, none of that means God is unaware or doesn’t care.

“I know that You can give me rest.  So I cry out with all I have left.  Let me see redemption win.  Let me know the struggle ends.  That you can mend a heart that’s frail and worn.”

Weary.  I don’t like it.  This is uncharted territory for me.  Yet I know that God will see me through this.    He will even use all of this for my good, some how some way.  I am grateful that I gave up needing to know the why’s and how’s a long time ago.  I just need to know (and I do know)  that God will make a way.  In the meantime He will carry me until I am once again able to walk beside Him.

He will see you through your valley also and when necessary He will carry you!

So if you happen to notice that I am just not my usual self please don’t mention it.   It really does put pressure on me that I have found only tires me out more.  Instead just give me a hug and speak an encouraging word.  I will be sure to respond with an encouraging word for you too.  Isn’t that what helping each other is really all about?

This too shall pass and I am confident that I will be the better for it.  To God be the glory!!!

til next time

(I blog because it helps me to put on paper what is going on in my life.  God uses that to help me more clearly see what is good and what needs to change.  I am constantly amazed at the goodness of God!)

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December 20, 2012 - Posted by | dementia, living in a fish bowl, ministry, perimenopause, relationships, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7 Comments »

  1. God is faithful. We can continue to trust Him.

    Comment by Pastor Curt | December 21, 2012 | Reply

    • Yes He is!! Some how some way He will turn this all around for good.

      Comment by Gloria | December 22, 2012 | Reply

  2. Sending you hugs . . . and more hugs . . .

    Comment by meetingintheclouds | December 21, 2012 | Reply

    • Thanks Angela. It means more words can express.

      Comment by Gloria | December 22, 2012 | Reply

  3. […] after church Allyssa and Brent gave me this necklace.  In light of my last blog this truly was God […]

    Pingback by days « Living Life in a Fish Bowl! | December 24, 2012 | Reply

  4. We must make a conscious decision each day to not be weary in well doing. God has chosen you to do a mighty thing and you should rejoice doing it. During the times when you don’t understand how something is going to get done, don’t get weary. I know it’s not always easy as I’m learning myself to have joy in the Lord and to trust him completely; however, know that before God has given you your assignment, He has worked everything out for your good and to the glorification of His name.

    Comment by gold price | December 25, 2012 | Reply

    • so true! Starting each day by remembering God is in control and will give us the strength to do what he has called us to do. knowing what that is can be a challenge because even though it might be a really good thing that doesn’t mean that it is what God is calling me to do. It is hard in a small church as there are things that just must be done and if they are not being done……
      I have gotten better though. We have a rotating cleaning crew and it used to be that if it was evident that it wasn’t cleaned when I arrived on Sunday that I would run around (like a chicken with its head cut off) trying to spot clean and get everything else done that I normally do before service. I finally decided that I just couldn’t do that much running around and then be refreshed to lead worship. I have learned to let that go.

      Comment by Gloria | January 2, 2013 | Reply


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