Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

blame game or ownership? you decide

Have you noticed how too often blame seems to have replaced accepting responsibility?

It’s not my fault, he did this and this and this and well what do you expect me to do?  —-  It’s his fault I’m not happy.  —- She doesn’t love me so I showed her.  —  He pushed me away. —-   I was out of  my meds and the baby wouldn’t stop crying. —- I wouldn’t have been drinking if my boss hadn’t fired me. —  He owes me. — What do you expect with the way he talks to me?

Blame –pointing a finger at someone else instead of taking responsibility for your choices.

I am grateful my parents taught me early on that my mistakes were my fault.  It didn’t matter what someone else did. I answered for what I decided to do.   What someone else did was not an excuse for me to do the wrong thing.

Let me say that huge truth again.

What someone else did was not an excuse for me to do the wrong thing.

My dad would say over and over again, “Two wrongs do not make a right.”

Trying to pass blame or lie about things only made it worse.  The truth does have a way of surfacing.  I think people sometimes forget that.  (Luke 12:2-3)

Holding someone accountable for their actions is appropriate.  Accountability brings with it truth.

Truth begins the journey to healing. 

Blaming someone else as the reason for why you choose to do or not do something is wrong.

Sadly there are some choices that the consequences will follow you all your life. For the drunk driver who killed someone, for the spouse who threw away her marriage by having an affair, for the father who chose to shake his son causing irreparable damage ….. sometimes choices cannot be undone and consequences will forever be a part of your life and even a part of the lives of others.

So what do you do?

Own up to it.  Make real amends. (Continuing to place blame is not ownership and is not making amends.)  Start making right choices.  Live in the truth.  Put up boundaries, if necessary, so that you don’t act out of anger.  Acting out of hurt or anger is still  a reflection of who you are.  Think about it before you say or do something in a moment of anger.  Two wrongs do not make a right.

David is a wonderful example of someone who made monumental mistakes and yet we read that he was a man after God’s own heart. (Acts 13:22)

  1.  It was spring and the kings went into battle.  David chose not to.  He neglected his responsibility.
  2.  He inquired about a woman and was told she was married.  He should have stopped right there but he doesn’t.
  3.  Now she is pregnant (a consequence to his actions)
  4.  He tried to manipulate her husband into sleeping with her.  Uriah was a man of integrity and did not.
  5.  David decides to get Uriah drunk – manipulation again.  It doesn’t work.
  6. David has Uriah placed on the front lines – in essence issuing his death sentence.  Uriah dies.

David then marries Uriah’s wife.   All is well, right?

The story is not over.

Choices have consequences. 

David’s consequences:

  1. The sword will never depart from David’s house.
  2.  Evil will rise up from his household.
  3. The child born will die.
  4. David’s wives would be given to his companion.
  5. What David did secretly will be done openly.

How does David respond?  Does he cast blame?  He was King, surely there were people he could blame?

No, he owned up to his mistakes.  He did not look for someone to blame.  He went before God with a broken and contrite heart.  David acknowledges his sin.  He makes another right choice by going to the house of the Lord and worshiping.  He recognizes his desperate need for God.  (You can read the story in 2 Samuel 11 and 12)

In Psalm 51 David writes about this whole situation.  Here are some of the things he prays.

  1. Have mercy on me.
  2. Wash me.
  3. Cleanse me.
  4. Purify me.
  5. Make me hear joy and gladness.
  6. Create in me a clean heart.
  7. Restore joy.
  8. Sustain me.

It didn’t end there though.  With God the story always goes on.   God would make beauty out of ashes.

Then I will teach your ways to other sinners, and they—guilty like me—will repent and return to you.”  Psalm 51:13 (TLB)

David would teach.  David would proclaim God’s truth. David would follow God.

til next time


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June 6, 2015 - Posted by | life lessons, ministry, pastor, Pastor's wife, relationships, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. […] What we think about matters.  How we think about something will affect how we choose to respond.  Check out blame game or ownership? you decide […]

    Pingback by talking — texting —- just a whole lot of words! « Living Life in a Fish Bowl! | June 14, 2015 | Reply

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