Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

five women

How can five woman (who are each beautiful in their own way) touch my heart with joy and sadness all at the same time?

For privacy purposes I will call them Beauty, Precious, Twinkle, Tapper, and Sweetie.

Joy:  Beauty lights up whenever I touch her hand.  She loves to talk about the weather outside.  Precious is the one most with it and does not like her nails painted.  Twinkle doesn’t communicate with words but when I look into her eyes and speak to her — there is that twinkle.  Her body doesn’t move but her eyes follow me.  She is in there somewhere.  Tapper loves it when I tap the table with her.  She has beat!  Finally, Sweetie is shy, looks at me out of the corner of her eye and yet wants me to talk with her.  They all, in different ways, remind me of my mother.

As you might have guessed these ladies are in various stages of dementia.

Sadness:  My mother had dementia. For those who watch people they love go through the stages of dementia, well, there really are no words for what that process is like.   I praise God that He is a safe place to hide,  ready to help when we need him.” (Psalm 46:1 The Message)   (Click here for more on dementia) 

While I sat there carrying the conversation, my mind was remembering many such conversations I had with my own mother.  You might say my mother taught me how to communicate with others who have dementia.

It’s coming up on the second anniversary of my mother’s death.  It ‘just so happened’  that  “I Can Only Imagine” came on the radio as I drove away.  I was holding my mother’s hand as this song came to an end and she took her last breath here on earth.  Again joy and sadness — joy in the realization that she no longer needs to imagine and sadness because I miss her so.

Do you know of a family who is dealing with dementia?  I encourage you to take a moment and reach out to them.  A ‘thinking of you’ note, a private message on facebook,  a phone call, or a text will brighten their day.  When you see them in person, inquire about their loved one.  The greatest blessing my friends gave to me was letting me talk about my mom and the struggles I was facing in dealing with her dementia.

Some might think my visit with these ladies was a waste of time.   After all, it is likely they had forgotten it by the time I got out the door.   Some of them  will remember me next time and some will not.   Yet, at the moment it was meaningful to them.    I know it was worth it to me.

til next time

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December 31, 2015 Posted by | dementia, relationships | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

one month later

saying 2

It dawned on me today that it has been one month since I quit my second job.

In  my first week a dear, precious friend of mine went to be with Jesus.  That week was filled with preparations.    Note to self, make the time to run through the song on the organ before the funeral.  There were three keys that did not work that I needed.

That first week and a half was hard.  I didn’t anticipate just how difficult the re-entry would be.  I also did not expect all the demands that would come my way.    Thankful for a dear friend who helped it make sense to me.

Certainly it has not gone according to my original plan.  Yet it has gone according to my plan.  You see, whatever God’s will is for my life is what I choose  (that becomes my plan) and I know that nothing happens without going through Him.  Therefore God has allowed the circumstances for reasons I sure do not understand, but in acceptance lieth peace.

In acceptance lieth peace.  Peace = calm and quiet or the absence of war and strife.  So in acceptance lieth a calm and quiet heart or a heart without war or strife.

Acceptance is not the same as approval. It is the recognition that God is in control and I can trust Him to work all things out for my good and I don’t have to allow frustration, strife, or stress to take over.  All of this is extremely important for me as I deal with the issues that keep coming at me.  

God offers me  peace that goes way beyond my understanding.   A calmness washes over me when I quit struggling to make sense of it all.  Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense, but God is not taken by surprise nor is He on vacation. 

It is what it is and God has it under control.

Vacation came a week after the funeral.

The plan was to spend only two days with family.  The rest of the time was scheduled for much-needed rest and relaxation for both of us.

Again, things did not go as originally planned.

My mom fell on Tuesday.  She was playing kick ball unsupervised with a small child, at the memory unit where she is living.  She fractured her pelvic and was at the ER.

We were closest.  We spent the rest of our vacation going to see mom.  Seeing your mother in such needless extreme pain  was emotionally draining.

This time it took me a bit longer to get to the ‘in acceptance lieth peace’ frame of mind.   Praise God He is an ever-present help in trouble.   (Psalm 46:1)

Later others have said to me that it was good that we were on vacation because we were there and didn’t have to figure out how to get there.  (Hmmm, sounds kind of like Spring Break.)

What they don’t understand is that we would have figured it out.  However, we won’t figure out how to plan another vacation of rest and relaxation this year.  Yes, it took me awhile to get to the acceptance part this time.

It has been quite a first month.

A few things I have dealt with this past month.

pray

Grateful for those who are there giving me encouragement and support and learning how to accept those who aren’t.

With Christ I am stronger than I ever imagined.  When I reached the point where I thought, “God help the next person who asks something of me,”  and yet had God’s strength to carry on and give even more.  Praise God for the power of the anointing!

Guard against being offended.    (Psalm 119:165)  Really?  This again?

Jealousy will change a relationship.  Still haven’t figured out how to fix this.  All I can say is that I would gladly let someone follow me for a week  and then maybe they wouldn’t be  jealous.   Ministry is work.  Work that I love but it comes at a price that many are not willing to pay or even realize there is a price involved.   Yet they  want the ‘glamour’.   Jealousy, you are a wicked companion.

Doctors, social workers, nurses, administrators, policies, and decisions as to what to do next with my mother.  At one point the doctor gave me the option of hospice.  He thought a week.   She was dehydrated.  Therefore her kidneys were failing, oxygen low and she was in extreme pain from the fracture.   Yesterday she was released from the hospital to a nursing home for rehab.  This roller coaster continues…..

One month — what a month.

I look forward with great anticipation to what God has in store.  Getting to this point came with a high price tag but that just makes me know that it was worth it and the best is yet to come!

Proverbs 31:25 (NASB)

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.

til next time

August 31, 2013 Posted by | dementia, living in a fish bowl, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

to go or not to go

Decision making

Some decisions are so easy it almost doesn’t feel like you have to make a decision.   Some decisions are aided by circumstances.  While these may not always be pleasant, they are not difficult to make.  Other decisions are made easy by thinking through the consequences of the decision.

I had to make a decision  yesterday that was much more difficult.

My mom’s birthday is today.   mom and me

Our bi-vocational lifestyle tends to have us taking it one day at a time.  This is a good thing, but it leaves little room for spontaneity.  We pretty much have to plan weeks ahead if we are going to be gone.

Earlier in the week I realized that we actually could arrange it so that we could  make the trip to spend my mom’s birthday with her today.  It is a 6 1/2  hour drive (maybe longer depending on how many stops) so we would get to the hotel sometime Friday, visit a bit with mom Friday night, then see her for about 5 -6  hours on Saturday before heading back home.

The problem?  When we make a trip to see mom we try to at least do a 2 night stay.  It is a costly trip (both financially and physically) so to do it in just an overnight is more difficult.   Driving home late Saturday night and then getting to the church at 8:00 Sunday morning is not a good combination.  We have learned this the hard way.

mom and IBut it is my mom’s birthday.  I miss my mom.

My mom has dementia.  She will know at the time that I am not there, but she won’t remember who was there later on tonight.  However, I will know.

Friday morning came.  Friday is our day off, our sabbath rest.  We guard it carefully as it is vital in being bi-vocational for the long haul.   Do we pack up and go?

Man, I hate hard decisions.

This is one of those times where I would like to know the future.  In going – how would that affect the coming week? I am already pushing the overload button.   But in not going, will I regret that?   Will mom lose more of her memory before I see her again?  Should I take this opportunity, at whatever cost, to see her again while she still remembers me?  In looking at the calendar it will be weeks, possibly months before we will have an opportunity to see her.  Ugh!!

After praying some more about it, I still didn’t sense a clear direction.   What I did sense was a lack of motivation so I made the decision to not go.   It  helped to know that there would be others there to celebrate with mom.   She would  spend her birthday with family.

I try to live my life in such a way as to not have regret.  Life is too short.

Happy Birthday Mom!  I hope to see you soon!

til next time

As I was finishing up this blog I heard Joyce Meyer say:

“We are anointed by the Holy Spirit for hard.”

Isn’t that the truth!!!

January 26, 2013 Posted by | dementia, ministry | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

music speaks

The other day I was riding in the car with Curt and I expressed to him that I was tired.  Nothing new about that statement.  I have been feeling worn out a lot lately.  It seems like  I wake up with very little – if any energy.

Then I said something to him that even surprised me.

I said, “No,  it isn’t tired.     I    am    weary.   I think this is what weary feels like.”

Before he could say anything a song came on the radio.    In the silence this is what I heard.

“I am tired, I’m worn.  My heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing…………….”

Tenth Avenue North — Worn from their Struggle tour

“”I know that You can give me rest.  So I cry out with all that I have left.  Let me see redemption win.  Let me know the struggle ends.  That you can mend a heart that’s frail and worn.”

Weary.

I don’t understand it.    I am very familiar with the scripture in Galatians (6:9) “And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”  and in 2 Thessalonians (3:13)  “But ye, brethren, be not weary in well-doing.”  I have quoted both of these numerous times.

Yet I also know that God says in Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

Very much in need of rest.

I don’t get weary.  At least I didn’t used to get weary.  Tired, sure but that is not the same as weary.   This new realization seemed to have knocked the breath right out of me.  As if that wasn’t enough then this part of the song came on.

“I’m worn even before the day begins.  I’m  worn, I’ve lost my will to fight.  I’m worn so heaven come and flood my eyes.  Let me see redemption win…….”

The writer of this song understands.    What’s even more important is that God understands.

I am weary of the weight of my mom’s illness (dementia),  my overall work load,  pay checks being short,  the intense spiritual battle that comes from pastoring a small town church, insurance rates rising, being short-staffed for months at work, the pressure to always be ‘bubbly’, perimenopausal symptoms,  the diet/exercise health issue, and then there are the petty issues that never used to bother me.

However, none of that means God is unaware or doesn’t care.

“I know that You can give me rest.  So I cry out with all I have left.  Let me see redemption win.  Let me know the struggle ends.  That you can mend a heart that’s frail and worn.”

Weary.  I don’t like it.  This is uncharted territory for me.  Yet I know that God will see me through this.    He will even use all of this for my good, some how some way.  I am grateful that I gave up needing to know the why’s and how’s a long time ago.  I just need to know (and I do know)  that God will make a way.  In the meantime He will carry me until I am once again able to walk beside Him.

He will see you through your valley also and when necessary He will carry you!

So if you happen to notice that I am just not my usual self please don’t mention it.   It really does put pressure on me that I have found only tires me out more.  Instead just give me a hug and speak an encouraging word.  I will be sure to respond with an encouraging word for you too.  Isn’t that what helping each other is really all about?

This too shall pass and I am confident that I will be the better for it.  To God be the glory!!!

til next time

(I blog because it helps me to put on paper what is going on in my life.  God uses that to help me more clearly see what is good and what needs to change.  I am constantly amazed at the goodness of God!)

December 20, 2012 Posted by | dementia, living in a fish bowl, ministry, perimenopause, relationships, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

how many times?

There is  a song out by Plumb that just about knocked me off my feet when I heard it.   It truly is my heart’s cry put to music.

Every once in a while I hear a song that just grips my heart.  The Warrior is a Child by Twilla Paris is one of those songs.  Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns is another one.  Blessings by Laura Story also makes the list.

“Need You Now (How many times)”   by Plumb

First, she starts off with the truth that no one is isolated from pain.  No one!

Everybody’s got a story to tell.  And everybody’s got a wound to be healed. I want to believe there’s beauty here.  Cuz Oh I get so tired of holding on.  I can’t let go.  I can’t move on.  I want to believe there’s meaning here.” 

I believe that God is in control and therefore nothing happens without a purpose.  That said, sometimes we all  need to be reminded that we do believe there is beauty and meaning in our lives.  God has a plan and it is good. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I  was familiar with the chorus before I ever heard her sing it.  “How many times have you heard me cry out ‘God, please take this’?” 

“God, please take this.”   I don’t know how many times I have said just that.  What freedom there is in those four words.  Yet sometimes we shoulder the burden for way too long before we remember to ask God to take it.

I don’t have to have all the answers.  I don’t have to have it all figured out.     Good thing too because so much of life doesn’t fit into a tidy little bundle of reason.  Ah, but I can cry out to God to please take this and the weight can be lifted from my shoulders.  He gives me a peace that passes all my understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

“How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing.   Oh I need You!  God, I need You now.”

God has used various ways to remind me to breathe.  My favorite recently was the Dove chocolate wrapper that said “Take a deep breath”.   God gives us strength to keep going, to breathe, to get through the next moment!

“Standing on a road I didn’t plan.  Wondering how I got to where I am.  I’m trying to hear that still small voice.  I’m trying to hear above the noise.”

Peri-menopause is a road I didn’t plan.  I had heard stories, lots of stories but somehow I just thought I would sail right through with little problem.   I remember thinking ‘how bad can it possibly be?’   Well, I am trying to hear that still small voice.  I am most definitely holding on to God.  I need Him NOW!

“Trying to hear above the noise.”  The first time I heard that line I practically cried.  You might think that is silly but it’s been over a year now since the ringing started in my ears.  Some moments I have to try very hard to hear above the noise.

“Oh I walk,  Oh I walk through the shadows and I, I am so afraid.  Please stay, please stay right beside me every single step I take.”

Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;…”   My battle with my mom’s dementia has made me so grateful that God is right beside me in every single step I take.

How many times have you heard me cry out??  How many times have you given me strength? 

Everybody’s got  a story to tell.  Everybody’s got a wound to heal.  Whatever you are going through, whatever challenge you are facing — cry out to God and let Him take it and give you in return – His strength.

til next time

November 1, 2012 Posted by | dementia, living in a fish bowl, menopause, perimenopause, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

perspective

Sometimes you just need a little perspective.

When you look at this picture what do you see?  The Jolly Green Giant of course.  He is huge!  How huge?  Well, his smile is 48 inches wide.  Now that is a smile!

If you look closely, you can see me standing underneath the jolly green giant.  I am as tall as his boot.

Perspective.

It is hard to see me because I just kind of blend in with the trees in the background.  Yet I am there.

Perspective.

Sometimes I think we  are too busy focusing on the thing that is looming in front of us that we miss what else is going on.

Recently we spent a day at the Grand Canyon.

I remember thinking how vast it was,  how small I felt compared to the enormity of the canyon, and how great is God’s love for me.

Perspective.

Yesterday we spent the day with my mom.  She is battling dementia.  Battling dementia now that is an oxymoron.   How did that phrase ever get coined?  She isn’t battling it at all.  I am battling it.  She is going with the flow.  She is focused on the here and now.  I am wanting my momma back.

Perspective.

There were times during our outing that the ‘old’ momma came out.  Dementia may be stripping her of her memory but her personality is still there.  She is still spunky.  She still breaks out into song.  She still wants people to laugh!  She still cares about people.

Yet her illness makes me feel so small.

Perspective.

I don’t want to spend another day distracted by the demands of life.

Perspective.

I am grateful that God gives grace for each new day and that my joy is not dependent upon outward circumstances but an inward relationship with Him.  “This is the day the Lord has made, I will choose to rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24 my paraphrase)

Perspective.

Yes, sometimes I need a little perspective.  Thank you God for the reminder that in everything I face, You are with me.  When life comes at me fast, You are an ever present help.  When I feel small, You are right there holding my hand.

Perspective.

til next time

September 15, 2012 Posted by | dementia, just thinking about stuff, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

not just another day

24 years ago today I gave birth to two fantastic baby boys.  I have no idea what it is like to have one child at a time but I can say that having twins is a wonderful adventure.  Children truly are a blessing from God.  Being a mom is one of my most favorite things to be!

11 years ago this month my mother was in the audience when I received my credentials – my license to preach.  I remember her face – a mixture of pride, surprise, and gladness. Pride – because she knew full well the cost involved – she put me through college.  Surprise – because I think she had given up on me actually going through the process to get that little slip of paper.  (I graduated in ’85 and have been doing ministry ever since but just hadn’t taken the test to make it official.)   Gladness – because serving the Lord is most important to her.

She told me more than once how happy it would have made my dad.  He died when I was 17.  He had graduated from Bible college also.  However, he never used his degree in the traditional way.

Why ordination?   I was able to do everything I felt called to do, or at least I thought so until I realized that with a license I was limited in mentoring other women going for their credentials.  Coming along side and helping women fulfill the call God has placed on their lives is important to me.   (see post Ordination for more on that process)

Today I will find myself walking up on the platform to receive my ordination.  I would have loved for my mom to be in the audience.  Dementia has taken a toll on her.  I am sure she would understand what is happening but forget it the next moment.

Sometimes the really big things in our lives are not recognized as big events by others but I am sure if my daddy could look down from heaven, he’d be doing a 6′ 2″ happy dance and telling everyone “that’s my girl!!!”  Hmmm,  I think that is what my heavenly Father is doing.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NASB)

17 “The LORD your God is in your midst,
A victorious warrior.
He will exult over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”

til next time

April 24, 2012 Posted by | dementia, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

this past week –

This past week-

I have put together all of the receipts, forms, and information for our tax guy.  This is no small feat.  As ministers, Uncle Sam allows us to take advantage of what is called a housing allowance.  The important thing about this allowance is that we have to document everything and all the receipts have to equal more than the allowance.  In addition, both my husband and I are considered self-employed with our jobs at the church and then we also have jobs where we are considered employees.  What that boils down to is lots and lots of paperwork.

In this past week-

I was blessed to spend Thursday night through Saturday evening with five great women.  That alone would be wonderful but it is made even better because I call these women my friends!!  It was  girl time.  It was God time.  It just doesn’t get any better than laughing and crying with your girlfriends.  In amongst all the fun was the knowledge that God is doing some awesome things.

In this past week –

my son made a trip to MN on his bike.  On the way home he broke down and his brother and friends had to trailer his bike home.

Here is what happened.  On his way home Saturday night he had an experience that could have turned out so much different.  Tooling down the highway at 80 mph (he did not learn that from his mom or dad) his bike shut off.  As it was slowing down he managed to get it to start again.   However, there was still a problem.  His bike shut off and this time the back tire locked up.  Praise God he wasn’t going 80 when that happened.   He managed to keep it upright and get it safely off the road.  I know he had help from above!   Also God sent an officer  who told him that even though the exit was only a mile ahead, the nearest town was 7 or 8 miles beyond that exit.  He gave Chris a ride in the opposite direction to a truck stop where he could eat and watch a movie while he waited a few hours for the guys to get there.  Isn’t God good!!!

In this past week –

I have been lacking adequate sleep.  I am so grateful to God that I can place my kids in His care and sleep.  Yes, even though it was 9:30 at night when Andrew left to get Chris, I slept wonderfully.  Of course before falling asleep I did have to ask Curt to pray with me twice –  Not because God didn’t hear us the first time but because I was still bound up with worry and fear.

In this past week –

I went to my first tea party (complete with real tea cups) to celebrate a precious little girl’s birthday. Maggie keeps me in stitches and gives me plenty of hugs.  While blowing out the candle on her cake she wished for another tea party soon.  How precious is that?

In this past week –

while I absolutely loved the tea party, it did stir up some emotions in me that I haven’t had to deal with in quite a while.  (Before we got married, my friends made sure that Curt agreed to 12 kids.  Yes 12!  Ever since I can remember I wanted a large family.) The fact that even with the doctors help, we were unable to have any more children is something I have had to come to terms with.  Most of the time I am fine with that and always I am very grateful for my twins.

I know how blessed I am!

Other times though, something is said and I am reminded of just how deeply I longed for a girl or I get a glimpse of what it would have been like to have a bunch of kids.  and Bam Pow! – there is that old desire with renewed strength and must now be dealt with again or it shall surely steal my joy.  Once in a while I am caught off guard and this past week I had to deal with that ache in my heart on a couple of occasions.  God tenderly and lovingly heals the heart that hurts.

This past week –

the challenge to stick to water as my only beverage was tested.  So far so good.  🙂

This past week –

I heard from my brother and the time has come when they will no longer be taking care of our mom who is battling dementia.  We have three months.  The emotional roller coaster is trying to start-up again.  Truth is I have no clue what the right thing to do is.

This past week –

has been an example to me of the goodness of God.  In the midst of whatever we face, good or bad, God’s peace is ours if we will just accept it and let God be in control.

This coming week –

is in God’s hands.

til next time

April 2, 2012 Posted by | dementia, living in a fish bowl, perimenopause, relationships | , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

traditions

Memories light the corners of my mind………….

It is hard to approach a holiday season and not take a walk down memory lane.  This year I miss my mom.  I talked with her tonight but even though she sounds like my mom, the dementia has taken its toll.  Tonight she informed me that ‘they had made it safely to Florida.’  I didn’t ask her who ‘they’ were.   After all, she has been in Florida for a year and a half.   I just consider myself blessed to be able to hear her tell me she loves me and that she looks forward to seeing me.

It did get me to thinking about Christmas and traditions.

There are traditions that have gone by the way side.  For us, one of those traditions  was the need to have oyster soup for Christmas Eve.    One year  (early on in our marriage) the weather stopped us from going home for Christmas and so I sent Curt out to find us oysters.  We absolutely must have oyster soup for supper.   If I couldn’t go home, at least I could have the traditional meal.   It was Christmas Eve and I don’t remember how many different places he went to before he found  oysters.   Imagine his surprise when I dipped myself a bowl of broth — no oysters, just the broth.   That was the end of that tradition.   Now we have chili.

Then we moved out-of-state and found ourselves far from extended family.   With having a Christmas day service (thus making it difficult to go home for the holidays) we needed to come up with new traditions.  Gone were the big extended family gatherings.  My kids don’t know what it is like to go to Grandma’s for Christmas.  What they lost with that we made up for in other ways.

We created new traditions. 

Decorating the tree means cheese and crackers and Christmas music.   Our tree is loaded with ornaments that the boys  made and an assortment of sentimental ornaments.

The second to last ornament is always Santa and his sleigh, with the last ornament being the tree topper.

A tradition we started when the boys were in school was something we called the ‘early present.’  On the final day of school, before Christmas break, they were allowed to open one present.     This was a big hit.  I still look forward to my early present.

So much of the time pk’s have to share their parents.  We made the decision that the holiday meal would be  just the 4 of us.    It became about family time.    We pull out the china and go all out.

This year we are blessed to have one son home for Christmas.  Our other son and ‘daughter’ will not be here for Christmas BUT are moving back home after Christmas.    Traditions are good but flexibility is even better.

We are blessed.

Merry Christmas!

til next time

December 22, 2011 Posted by | dementia, just thinking about stuff | , , | 2 Comments

this too shall pass

Helen Steiner Rice had the right idea when she penned the poem This Too Shall Pass’.

It seems that sometimes life comes at us with the intensity of a tsunami.  A life situation (volcanic eruption) that produces  overwhelming (a large wave) emotions.  There seems to be nowhere to run to get out of its way.

Other times there seems to be a storm brewing that brings lightning, thunder, rain, and hail in sheets.  A person can feel totally drenched.  Depending on the size of the hail or the strike of the lightning, injury may even occur.

This has been a year of storms for me.

I spoke with my mom the other day and she didn’t remember the boys.  She didn’t think I had children.  Dementia is a cruel disease.  It was just this past February that I knew something was wrong.

She is going through the stages way too fast.  I, on the other hand, am still wanting to be in denial.     I don’t understand it.  I didn’t need to experience it first hand to have compassion and know that it is emotionally draining.  Yet here I am.

Through all of that my body decided that it had to  produce histamine in abundance.  That was a hail storm I hope to never experience again.

The storm intensified when Curt passed out this past October.   While I am extremely grateful that we received a good report at the last doctor visit, my body hasn’t seemed to bounce back from the toll that the last 9 months has given it.  Hmmm, 9 months??  — where is my bundle of joy?

The latest storm that is brewing is making it hard for me to concentrate.  My head is ringing — buzzing — pretty much non-stop these days.  The doctor did find the culprit.  My inner ears have decided not to drain.  Here’s hoping and praying that the meds work and the noise stops.

So I find myself going back to Helen Steiner Rice’s poem.  If you haven’t read it lately.  Here it is.

This Too Shall Pass
If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

…Helen Steiner Rice

Many years ago my dear friend Rose gave me a wall hanging of this poem.  (I still have it)  It was a very difficult time in my life.    I am reminded that God was right there through that period of pain.   He is an ever-present help in trouble.

Whatever you are facing or will face in the days ahead, God is there.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Rom 15:13

In amongst all the storms I am still blessed beyond words.  My children are all home for Christmas!!  This is the year that I now have a daughter!!  We continue to live debt free (other than our house mortgage)!!  Curt’s heart is strong!!  I have the privilege of having people in my life  who make me laugh when I feel like crying!!

til next time

December 23, 2010 Posted by | dementia, just thinking about stuff, Pastor's wife | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments