Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

God is greater than my struggle

6 more weeks — trying to wrap my head around 6 more weeks.

You know that moment when you realize that the outcome you believed, with all your heart, is not the reality you are in?  Two weeks ago I started on prednisone.  Click here for the start of the journey.

I went back for blood work fully expecting my sed rate to be in the acceptable range.  With God’s help, I managed to navigate the two weeks keeping Godzilla at bay.   To God be the glory!

My sed rate is down but still too high.  Instead of a prescription for two weeks, I picked up  one for six weeks.  The thought of six weeks was enough to put me in full force tears.   The edginess, the nausea, the insomnia, the tiredness, the hunger, the headaches, the tears, the emotions all over the place — 6 weeks – which happens to include some mighty big things:  Easter, twins birthdays,  district council meetings, motorcycle blessing and show and the day to day life filled with loving God and loving people.   I can’t possibly hibernate for 6 weeks, can I?

    “when my heart is overwhelmed.
Lead me to the towering rock of safety,
    for you are my safe refuge,”  (Psalm 61)

Where do I go when I don’t get the answer that I so badly thought was coming?  I go back to God’s Word.  I call upon my Savior.  I lay my disappointment at His feet – knowing He loves me, will be there every step of the way, and He will use this for my good.  How?  I don’t have to know.  I just need to trust.

“God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble.
 Therefore we will not fear…” Psalm 46

God is my safe place.  In my weakness, He is strong.  He is with me all the way.  I will not fear:

  • how my body will handle this medicine
  • how my emotions will respond
  • that six weeks won’t be enough to lower my sed rate
  • that I will fail miserably (God’s grace is enough)
  • that I can’t do this
  • the changes this will undoubtedly produce
  • what the medicine is doing to my organs
  • the withdrawal after six weeks
  • But most of all, I will not fear period because God is greater.

I may have to remind myself of this daily.    A great reason to be in the word daily.   It amaze me how God knows just what I need when I look to Him.

til next time

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April 5, 2019 Posted by | just thinking about stuff, Pastor's wife, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

this is what they meant??

Prednisone you are not my friend.   You’ve been responsible for a flood of tears.  You bring with you weight gain but even worse than that you mess with my emotions in a way that I have never before experienced.   You had better be worth it.   (I go for a stress test Wednesday.  That will be interesting as the meds are kicking up my heart beat just walking.)

I  have always had a wide range of emotions.  I feel things strongly.  When I get excited, I almost always talk louder and faster.  Some, who don’t know me, think that this means I am getting angry.  No, getting loud is not synonymous with anger.   I used to try to subdue it but then people would ask me what is wrong?

(I now embrace the excitement but try to be aware if someone is misinterpreting my voice raising.    This recently happened when we were having a discussion about women ministers.   This topic is near and dear to me.   I feel very strongly about it.  There was a time when someone’s disapproval  and lack of understanding of scriptural context would get under my skin.  Funny thing is then I didn’t say anything.     Now I recognize the responsibility to speak up –   to educate – to point out that God’s Word does not contradict. I am not mad at the person for being misguided.)   Ahh a topic for another day.

So a few days ago my Dr. put me on a steroid to bring my sed rate down from a much elevated level.    I was warned by many that it messes with your emotions.  Even knowing that did not prepare me for Godzilla.

I have reminded myself that I am a child of God.    I reminded myself that I do have the fruit of the Spirit operating in my life.   Knowing that I am devoted to God and it is my desire to follow Him – I quoted the scripture “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”  (Matthew 12:34)  

I pray  — Oh God break my heart for what breaks Yours.  Help me operate in the compassion that comes from You.  Help my words be kind.  Help me build up.  God, I NEED YOU to be kind through me….”

I also cleared my schedule today – a rarity for me.  I told my husband this would be a really good day for him to use the church office.  I was not doing people today.  I love people and that is why I was not going to leave the house.

I asked God what I should do.  How was I going to get through the next 11 days – til my follow up appointment.  Starting tomorrow I cannot clear my schedule.  Come Thursday I leave with a large group of women (that I love dearly) for a 2 1/2 day retreat.  Sitting there with God this morning, that scared me.

Weird as it sounds, I felt impressed to get on facebook.  I was thinking – ok I can distract my emotions with that for awhile.  First thing I saw, upon scrolling, was a song a friend had posted.  I remembered that song from long ago.  I listened to it and it was as if God was all over that song.  I thanked my friend and got offline.   I sat down at the piano and began to play the song – over and over and over.

 

 

I don’t know how the next 11 days will go.  How often will I need to apologize?   I don’t know if I will pass the stress test.   I don’t know what is ahead health wise after my follow up appointment.

What I do know is that God loves me.  God loves you.  His grace is enough.  In my weakness He has proven Himself strong EVERY SINGLE TIME.

If you see me, yes, I could use a hug.  Yes,  I will need grace.   Yes, I really am trying to keep Godzilla buried.   I apologize ahead of time and will do it again later as needed.  Please be understanding and please pray for my husband!!

Honey, I know you will be reading this.  I am soo glad that you are going through this with me.  I know your heart.

til next time

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March 25, 2019 Posted by | just thinking about stuff, living in a fish bowl, Pastor's wife, relationships, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

resting

How’s your soul? (Will, mind, emotions)

Are you off to a good start or do you find yourself weary? Jesus addresses this in Matthew 11 (28-30)

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (NLT)

I have a friend who insists that bad luck comes in threes. I don’t believe in bad luck. Bad things happen but that should come as no surprise when we are told over and over again things like ‘count it all joy when you face trials’ James 1:2 – ‘in the world you will have trouble….’ John 16:33 — ‘rejoice always, again I say rejoice’ Phil 4:4 –‘even though the going is rough’ 1 Peter 1:6 — ‘endure hardship’ 2 Tim 2:3 — what we suffer now’ Romans 8:18 ….

When life starts to press in on you and things seem to go from bad to worse, remember what Jesus says to you. “Come to me!” Make the time. Open your bible and read what He has to say to you. Sit quietly before Him and allow His gentleness to permeate you. Cast your cares on Him. (1 Peter 5:6-7) Let His peace wash over you. (Phil 4:4-7) Let Him give you rest.

Resting in Jesus,
til next time

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October 5, 2018 Posted by | life lessons, ministry, Pastor's wife, spiritual reflections, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

facing a crisis?

Are you facing a crisis?  Do the trials of life seem to be mounting?  The struggle is real.  We are in a battle but our God is greater than our enemy.  There is no comparison.

What do you do when facing a crisis – trial – struggle?

Pray — which involves casting your cares on Jesus (1 Peter 4:6-7) and being still so you can listen (Psalm 46:10)

Read the Word – what does it have to say about your situation? If your decision goes against God’s word then rethink your decision. Disobedience will not get you the peace and joy you seek.

Seek godly counsel – when this step is intentionally ignored it often means the decision you are about to make may not be the right one. Godly counsel points you to Christ and can help remove the blinders that may be hindering you from seeing truth. (Proverbs 11:14)

Then having done these steps, submit to God – don’t be ruled by your emotions – recognize that while your feelings may be strong, they also need to be nailed to the cross. (Gal 5:24)

Romans 15:13 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Hope – joy – peace = fantastic!   And just what I need today!

Trusting God – He will see me through and you can count on Him too!

 

til next time

 

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August 12, 2016 Posted by | ministry, pastor, Pastor's wife, relationships, spiritual reflections, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

a baby changes everything

tick tock

Time waits for no man.

Everyone gets the same 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week.

The Mayan calendar stops on December 21 — do I find this significant?  Do I think that the world will really end on the 21st?  No!  Clearly without a doubt — no!

Yet sometimes time seems to stand still:

the senseless shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary

while waiting with my step dad for the ambulance to arrive during his stroke

of course time seemed to stand still during the days following 9-11

tick tock

Isn’t it funny how eight hours at work can seem to drag on and on but those same eight hours elsewhere can fly by?

Perception

Why does it seem that time is ticking faster than it ever did before?  Why is it that I feel that I am moving slower than I ever did before?

Houston we have a problem.

As a pastor/pastor’s wife of a small town church there are many behind the scene things that need to take place and lately there doesn’t seem to be enough time or energy.  I used to be so good at multitasking.  Not so much anymore.  (In fact, my son just reminded me that I was about to burn the meat on the stove.  Oy!)

In ministry if you are not careful, it can overwhelm you.  Even if you are careful (be not weary in doing good….) there will still be days when your feelings will try to over run you.  Sometimes the thought of quitting seems so much easier than the thought of pushing through the emotion.  Good thing I learned a long time ago to not make any life changing decisions while dealing with emotional overload.

This morning was one of those weary days for me.  Maybe it is peri-menopause which has officially messed up my sleeping pattern.  (Have I mentioned that I do not function well on little sleep?)   Maybe it is due to too much work related things this week.   Maybe it is a whole host of little things that seem to pile up on top of each other.  (Thank you Larry for helping to lower the flag.)

The why is really not the issue.  It is the ‘how am I going to handle this’ that is important.

I am grateful for such a wonderful worship team.  They make it easy to join right in and place your focus on the One who is truly worthy of our worship.

The songs for today were:   A couple Christmas carols and Amazing Grace (my chains are gone), Blessed be your name (You give and take away), To God be the glory, and In the presence of Jehovah.

“In the presence of Jehovah, God Almighty, Prince of Peace.  Troubles vanish, hearts are mended,  in  the presence of the King.” 

After worship Christy got up to sing the song “A baby changes everything.”   It was evident that she sang it with all her heart and soul.  What a powerful song!  While she was singing God reminded me that this’ was why I do what I do.  This is why it is worth the price.

Jesus changes everything.

Sharing my love for Him with others

crying together

laughing together

praying together

getting to witness  God at work in their lives

yes, it is why I do what I do.

Jesus changes everything!

I would have rather had Christy’s performance of the song but this one will have to do.

til next time

December 16, 2012 Posted by | ministry, perimenopause | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

dogs have feelings too

Our cat is thrilled.  She struts around the house.  She hasn’t ‘yelled’ at me all week.  She is one happy kitty.  See the dog is gone. 

It is has been a week since Curt took Daisy to the Humane society.  Last Wednesday was the final straw.  She had three accidents (small but none the less still messes) all in the morning.   If only one of us was home more, that would have made a big difference.  I volunteered to stay home – for the good of the dog of course 🙂  You know how far that got me.  LOL

I still find myself keeping the crusts for her and looking for her when I come in the door.  I guess I was more attached than I thought.   She is the most loving dog.   

We gave her four months.  On the one hand, four very long months.  On the other hand, only four months.   She adapted really well, that is except for that occasional one small thing.  The longest she was able to be successful was a week.  That is not long. 😦

What is the problem now?  Tonight after supper Curt told me he called the Humane society.  He wanted to tell them a couple of things he had  forgotten and to check on her.  If only they would have said that she has managed to adapt or better yet that someone is interested in her.  It’s been a week.  Yes, I am probably asking for the moon.  I just know that I sure didn’t expect the news we got.

What he was told is that she whines all the time and is not eating or drinking.   Now doesn’t that just make us feel better?  I asked him if we could go get her?  Andrew had the same exact question that I had.  

Do they even let you come and get a dog that you have dropped off?    Is that even an option?   The problem is that  we would be right back where we started.  I really hate no win situations.    

I’ve heard it said that animals do not have emotions.  Whoever said that was wrong.  Daisy misses us as much, if not more, then we miss her.   She may not understand, but she knows we have left her there and haven’t come back.  She is sad, terrified, and depressed.  Those are all emotions.  (I say depressed because I think that is the only reason I wouldn’t eat or drink for a week )

Do dogs have abandonment issues?? 

til next time

January 14, 2009 Posted by | just thinking about stuff | , , , , , , | 7 Comments