Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

ugh!! why did i do that?

Today has been a hard day for me.  I resisted the temptation to drop everything and go back to bed.  Good first step.  I even managed to fulfill my duties as a chaplain at two different locations.  I, again, am very much aware that in my weakness, God is strong.  (2 Cor 12:9)   Yet, it has been a struggle all day to keep moving forward.

I don’t know what you are facing, or what might be trying to ruffle your peace, but for me I seemed to have hit a wall with all the health issues.   Frankly, I am tired of hurting.  I guess you could say I gave in this morning and took my focus off Jesus and on to the pain, the number of  health issues, and the upcoming doctor’s appointments that are in my future.

I am not done with my responsibilities for today, so I knew I had to do something.  What is it that I truly need at this moment?

Peace.

Yes, that’s it.  Peace!

Why did I do that?  Take my eyes off Christ and fixate on the pain. I know better and yet?

God offers to us peace. In the midst of whatever is going on we can turn to God, giving Him our hurts, confusion, stress, anxiety, struggle, pain… and receive from Him peace that goes beyond our understanding. (Philippians 4:6-7)

“The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace.” Psalm 29:11 (NASB)

If we could market peace, true inner peace, into a capsule form, we would make millions. I believe it would be the hottest selling item. There are just so many miserable, stressed out people in the world today. Sadly, Christians can fall into that trap as well – like I did today.

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.
“Trust in the Lord forever,
For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock.” Isaiah 26:3-4 (NASB)

The key to living a life of peace is to be steadfast, trusting that in any situation that arises, – yes, this includes health issues – God is in control and He is greater than whatever life throws at us. (1 John 4:4) It is when we take our eyes off of Jesus and fixate on the problem that our peace  goes right out the window.

Nothing takes God by surprise. (Psalm 139) He is not off on some vacation unaware of what you are facing. Instead, He is with you. (Matt 28:20) He will make a way. (Isa 43:16) He is for you. (Psalm 118:6) He is working all things out for good. (Romans 8:28) Nothing, absolutely nothing is too difficult for Him. (Jer 32:17, Luke 1:37)

Keep trusting – it isn’t over yet.

Thank You God for peace!

anxiety

til next time

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June 22, 2016 Posted by | ministry, pastor, Pastor's wife, spiritual reflections, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

please don’t take it personal

If you had walked past our house yesterday afternoon you may have thought someone was being beaten.  I am grateful that it is winter so the windows are shut.  Since it is cold that means people weren’t working in their yards.  That is a good thing too.

Yes there was screaming and lots of tears.  No, no one was being beaten.  In fact, my husband was there softly telling me to breathe, it would be over soon, and it was going to be ok.  In between all of those comments, he would pray.     Hmmm, you might think I was having a baby.  There are certainly some similarities.   Sadly when it was over, it was just over and all I was left with was pain.  There was no beautiful bundle of joy.

I would  start the whole healing process all over again.  Why?

thoughts

understand

I bought this when my son and our family were going through a most difficult and life altering trial.  When your world is turned upside down, it is good to remember that we don’t have to know why — we just trust that God is with us.  (Psalm 40:1)  This sign has proven to be a wonderful reminder when I would find myself heading down the “why” road.

I was traveling that road yesterday afternoon.  Why?  What possible good is there in this?  God is this really part of your plan?  I just don’t think I can head down this road again.  Plllllllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssseeeeeee, God!!

The first time it was nine months (hmmmm again the baby similarities) before the pain was gone.  Six and half months later it would return.  This time it was not as intense but still very evident.

Just last Sunday the pain had finally left.    It was a glorious week.  Then yesterday it returned with a vengeance.

Did you know that when you cough or sneeze  it affects your sphincter muscle?  You probably  did not because unless your muscle is angry you don’t even know you have one.  Trust me, you have one and when it is angry you know it.  No medication will calm it and it will not be ignored.

I have strongly believed that  my health issues have been more of a spiritual thing.  A very small similarity to the boils that Job dealt with.  I have pushed on and refused to let it stop me from moving forward.

I am a firm believer that in my weakness He is strong.  I have proven that over and over again.  (2 cor 12:10)

I still hold to all of that but I am sensing a change in my direction – in how I handle this. I still think it is a spiritual thing.  I believe God gives us grace for what He leads us to and that He has a plan and a purpose for each day.  However, the drive to push through is diminishing.   It is my hope and belief that this is God leading me down a  different path in how to respond to this latest development.

I have discussed this with my husband – who is also my spiritual leader.  He is on board and very supportive.  More than anyone, he knows what this has cost me.

Here he is last night — making me smile!

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It just so happens that (counting today) in 40 days it will be Good Friday.   For the next 40 days I plan to do some serious schedule elimination not revisions.  (I know one friend that will say “it is about time.”)

Today, for instance, I had a great opportunity but it would require three or so hours.  I declined.

So, I will be immersing myself in study.   I will be taking at least four sitz baths a day and be diligent with my food intake.  (I have found that a crazy busy schedule does not work well with a closely guarded food regiment.)

bible

It is my prayer that people won’t take it personally when I decline or eliminate things from my schedule.  Yet, I must leave that in God’s hands.

What is God asking of you?

til next time

click here for part 1 of this journey

 

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February 15, 2016 Posted by | living in a fish bowl, ministry, pastor, Pastor's wife, relationships, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

merry little christmas

The Christmas program is over.

Now that may not seem significant to you, but (for me and many other worship pastors out there) this day is right up there with a snow day!!   Actually it is even better than a snow day.

We have spent countless hours putting things together, praying that it turns out the way we see it in our heads,  practicing with various groups (in my case – the first time my children’s choir was all together was the day of the performance)  and trusting that it all brings glory to God.

I posted this on a worship ministers page Sunday night.

 ” Anyone else just really glad your Christmas service is over? I know some of you have already looked ahead to Easter but I am just resting in the fact that today is over. I only heard good things but it sure seemed like chaos to me. It was one of those days were I could have used a larger platform. smile emoticon Very proud of my kids choir and the adults did fabulous also. I went with an older theme — even had a couple poems (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Martin Luther) read by kids. But I am really really glad it is over!”

A couple things about Sunday.  The mom (of a good number of the kids involved in our program and she herself was in it) had to deal with her son having over 150 seizures  before coming to church.  He is a survivor of shaken baby syndrome.   He teaches me so much about worship, but that is a topic for another blog.

Would it have been easier for her  to just stay home than do what was necessary to get 9 kids to church while her heart is breaking over her son’s condition?  Think about that the next time you don’t feel like doing something.  Ouch!

Ten days ago I had surgery.    Three of my five health issues are worsened by stress.  As much as I love Jesus and know that His grace is sufficient, there is no way to get around stress when you are the one in charge of the program.  News flash — these things don’t just happen.   Long before Thanksgiving, I started working on the Christmas program.

All of this to say, I am grateful.

Grateful to God for:

-seeing me through the whole process
-the ability to have joy in the journey
-the grace to press on in the midst of physical pain
-my husband, who held my hand and prayed over me more times than I could possibly count throughout this whole process
-the clarinet and trumpet duet – new talent rising up
-the Sunday school classes reading of Martin Luther’s A Christmas Carole
-the kids who read Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s Christmas Bells
-our worship team – they do make my job easier
-our adult choir – this was their second performance of the year and what a fantastic job!
-my kids choir – their enthusiasm is contagious
-being my strength in weakness – (2 Cor 12:9)
-pain, because it is really a blessing least understood – truly the outward man is perishing BUT the inner man is being renewed day by day (2 Cor 4:16)
-being my ever present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1)

What are you grateful for?

Here is a small taste of our program.  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas — some words have been changed.

 

 

til next time

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December 22, 2015 Posted by | ministry, Pastor's wife, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

i choose

walk by faith

Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, “Do you like it? I did it just for you.” Max Lucado

When was the last time you actually took time to enjoy the sunrise?  or set?

When you look at flowers/gardens – do you focus on the beauty or  the weeds?

Choices — we get to choose what we focus on.

This year found me again finding new ways to tackle weeds and sadly not very effective ways.  Oh, how we can take for granted the ability to get on our hands and knees.

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My husband gave me this little reminder.  For me, it isn’t just about my gardens.  In my life both beauty and weeds will grow.   What I focus on will affect how I see things and even how I feel.  My garden is not the only thing that is in need of regular weeding.

Today is not a good day for me physically.  It is what it is.  BUT  I still have a choice.  I can let this overtake me. In which case, discouragement is right there.  OR I can make the necessary changes to my schedule and do those things that I know will eventually give me some relief.  I can give in to self-pity or I can walk by faith that even this has a purpose in my life.  (Rom 8:28)  Choices!

Paul said in Corinthians that the even though he begged God to make him well again and remove the thorn – that God’s response was —  “No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.”  (2 Cor 12:7-10)   

So today I remind myself again that I am nothing without Jesus.  All of my talent and ability comes from Him.  He is in control of my life and if today finds me changing my plans then I will embrace today in the same way I embrace a day of activity.  This is the day God has made, I will rejoice and be glad.  (Psalm 118:24)

louis a

I see leaves of green, red roses too. I see them bloom for me and you and I think to myself what a wonderful world. I see skies of blue and clouds of white. The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night and I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Whatever the day holds for you, remember you have a choice.  You can trust God that He is an ever present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 (Please notice it doesn’t say He will remove all trouble.)  In your weakness He will be strong, if you trust Him and let Him.

I choose joy!

God I look to You.  I won’t be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do.

God I look to You.  You’re where my help comes from.  Give me wisdom to know You know just what to do.

til next time

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October 13, 2015 Posted by | ministry, Pastor's wife, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

i.woke.up.this.morning

This morning I turned on the tv in hopes of getting a little more sleep.  I just wasn’t ready to try to get out of bed. The ringing in my ears is most annoying first thing in the morning.  The tv helps.

This morning was different.

What??  What did they just say?  Where’s that remote?  Rewind.

Nine killed last night in a church in South Carolina?

Only moments before I was wondering if I would be able to walk this morning, if I would need to go get x-rays, if I had re-injured my elbow, how much damage was done to my neck,  and how long before I would not feel like a truck had run over me?

Perspective.

I.woke.up.this.morning.

That’s right.  I woke up this morning and so did you since you are reading this.

My heart goes out to the families of those nine people and to all those who witnessed this horrendous act of violence.  There just are no words.  I am so glad that God can read my heart because I don’t even know how to pray about this.  My heart is grieved.

I, too, was at a Bible Study last night.  The spiritual battle that is raging was made very evident to me before Bible study.

Here is what happened.

I was up at the church 1 1/2 hours before practice doing the usual stuff when I fell on the platform landing hard on my left knee and both wrists.  I then proceeded to fall off the platform (18 inches or so) landing on my back.   My first thought was ‘my phone is on the piano (that is where I put it when I am playing) and there is no way I can get to it.’  Then I reached for my pocket and it ‘just so happened’ that I hadn’t taken it out yet.  Thank you God!!!

I called my husband.  No answer.  I called the house phone and left what I am sure was a rather panicked message.  I did tell him “I have fallen” and even though my mind immediately went to ‘and I can’t get up” and even though that was true, I did not say it. Only later was I able to see the humor in all of this.  I am sure it would have won America’s funniest home videos if only someone had recorded it.  No, I am not going to repeat it for any amount of money.

Fast forward — Curtis and Andrew show up.  There I was on the floor just like those commercials.

Curtis did not like the angle of my foot.  He wanted to call the ambulance.  I would have none of that.  I don’t know how many times I had him pray for me.    What I know is that I was eventually able to move my leg a little by little and the angle of my foot was better.

Chris showed up and we had a family moment.  I have a three great men in my life!!

Here is why I wouldn’t go to the ER.  I just knew it was a spiritual attack.  Yes, I had physical issues but there was so much more going on.

I am not one of those die-hard leaders that says practice must go on.  I have been known to cancel practice.  BUT this week I was doing a new thing.  Three additional singers were joining the team to do a 6 solo special for Father’s day.  Without this practice that song wouldn’t happen.  I am confident that the song idea came from God and I was just as confident that the enemy of my soul wanted to take me out.  Just as in Job, he could only go so far.  By the way, my right leg is the leg I need for the piano.

Andrew and Curtis got me up and to the piano where I remained until after prayer time was over in Bible study.

The special?  It was all I envisioned and more.  POWERFUL!!!

So this morning I woke up.   I can move.  I can walk.  I can even walk without the assistance of the cane I used last night.   I have pain but pain does make me know that I am most certainly alive.

Perspective.

Again my heart grieves for all those who lost people they loved.  May God pour His comfort, peace and assurance into their hearts.

Evil is running rampant.  There is a spiritual battle raging.  The enemy knows his time is short.  He is seeking to devour, steal, kill, and destroy.  (1Peter 5:8,  John 10:10)

Jesus came so we would have life and have it abundantly.  (John 10:10) God is an ever-present help in trouble.  (Psalm 46:1)   Let God arise and His enemies be scattered.  (Psalm 68:1)

Let’s go out and make today count.  We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

til next time

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June 18, 2015 Posted by | ministry, pastor, Pastor's wife, spiritual reflections, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

dirt therapy

Dirt therapy how I have missed you!  I may be sore in the morning.  Who am I kidding?  I am sore now but, oh so grateful I can finally handle it!!  I managed to only get one thorn stuck in my thumb.  Success!dirt therapy

Landscaping is nice IF you keep up with it or you have a gardener that will take care of it for you.

Last year I was physically unable to do much yard work.  The very little that I did was quite painful.   If you were to have watched me today, you might have thought it was painful still.  My knee and foot demanded that I slowly ease myself to the ground.  Getting up made me giggle as I thought about how it must look. It didn’t stop me.

hostas look so good in springThe tiger lilies have finally filled in and now we have a nice camouflaged dog kennel.

pine tree and tiger lillies

                what dog kennel?

Once again a bird  has built her nest in the pine tree.  This time outside the kennel fencing.

momma bird

I love working in the dirt. It reminds me of my dad.  It also gives me plenty of meditation time. (I think that is why my dad liked it too.)

Another huge reason I enjoy gardening is that you see results. I can stand back and see the difference. Sure I will have to weed it again but at this moment it is mighty fine!!dirt therapy

So much of my life does not have immediate results.

If I am not meditating then I tend to break out into song.

“You and I were made to worship.  You and I were called to love.  You and I are forgiven and free.  When you and I embrace surrender, when you and I choose to believe, then you and I will see who we were meant to be.  Even the rocks cry out.  Even the heavens shout at the sound of Your holy name…..” 

I giggled again as I thought about whether or not singing is the same as talking to yourself?  Then I decided I wasn’t singing to myself.    I had an audience – Jesus.

patioOf course I have daisies.

daisy

This year my husband put in the vegetable garden for me while I was at a meeting.  My hero!

peas and beans are peekingAlways a reminder of my step-dad.  He brought these all the way from MN.  They sure multiply quickly.

columbinesThe sound of running water makes my gardens complete.

fountain

Dirt therapy — give it a try.

til next time

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May 23, 2015 Posted by | just thinking about stuff, living in a fish bowl, ministry | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

what goes around – comes around -really?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Luke 6:31

As a child, I thought the Golden Rule meant that people would treat me how I treated them. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that just didn’t work like I thought.

I remember talking with my dad and trying to explain to him how this just didn’t work.  I was friendly and kind – in return the other person was snobbish and cruel.    Evidently that is how she wanted to be treated so that should be how I treat her, right?

Then I would get the ‘you only have to answer for your own actions‘ speech.   (Romans 14:12)  He sure said that a lot.

Somewhere along the way it stuck.  I am responsible for my behavior – my actions.  No matter what someone else does or doesn’t do, I will answer for my choices.  How I treat someone will be a reflection of who I am not of who they are.

What about  ‘you reap what you sow?

Yet we know that the Bible tells us

For in this the saying is true: ‘One sows and another reaps.’  John 4:37 (NJKV)

Now the Bible does talk about reaping what you sow.  Check this out.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.”  Galatians 6:7-8

What choices are you making about how you live your life?  Which one are you feeding?  the flesh? or the Spirit?

You’ve heard it said that ‘what goes around comes around.’  Yet, there have been things that happened to me that I have not done nor would even dream of doing to someone else.  I think we all have experienced that to some degree.

I offer grace and mercy to others because that is what I want others to give to me.   It is the Golden Rule in action.

I have told my husband that sometimes I feel like there is this bulls eye on my back or a sign that says open season on Gloria, take your best shot.  Yet, I absolutely believe that nothing, NOTHING happens to me that doesn’t first go through God.  He is in charge of my life.  He is in charge of the calling He has placed on my life.  He will bring beauty out of ashes. (Isaiah 61:3) He will turn this around for good because I love and trust Him! (Romans 8:28)

Joyce Meyer Ministries puts it this way:

“You know what tenderizes you? Your own personal pain. You go through something that is so gut-wrenchingly hard that you think you can’t stand it. But when you come out of that, you’re gonna be more tender-hearted. You’re gonna cry easier. You’re gonna care about the hurting more quickly. You’re gonna be more careful what you say to people.”

Pain can make you bitter or better.   I will take better every time.

So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.”  Romans 14:12 (NKJV)

So I will continue to treat people the way I would want them to treat me. Even if, or maybe especially when, they are mistreating me.  I will not repay evil with evil, but remember that good overcomes evil. (Romans 12:17 & Isaiah 1:16-17)  With God’s help, I choose good.   I will be intentional about letting God’s love shine through me.

How about you?

til next time

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May 22, 2015 Posted by | living in a fish bowl, ministry, Pastor's wife, relationships, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

is it easy for you to lie?

Lies — first off, I hate to be lied to.  How about you?  Therefore, I have purposed in my heart to speak truth.  (the Golden Rule in action)

Some people think lies have color.  “It’s just a little white lie.”

Some people don’t call it a lie.  They were just fibbing or joking around.

For others,  stretching the truth is the only way they know how to tell a story.

Then there is the “I didn’t lie, I just let you come to the wrong conclusion.”   Deceiving people is just another form of not telling the truth.

The Bible has much to say about speaking the truth.

“I haven’t been writing this to tell you something you don’t know, but to confirm the truth you do know, and to remind you that the truth doesn’t breed lies.” 1 John 2:21 (The Message)

Lies breed more lies.   Once you have told a lie, telling a second lie to cover up the first one is quite common.   Before you know it you find yourself in a web of lies.   Who did you tell what?   I often remind people that lies will be uncovered but by then the damage will have been done.  (Mark 4:22)  Avoid this by telling the truth.

You never have to remember what you told who if truth is on your tongue.

“Don’t steal.

“Don’t lie.

“Don’t deceive anyone.”  Leviticus 19:11 (The Message)

Most people want to be known as a person of integrity.   When we speak, we want people to believe us.  Being a person of integrity includes being a person who speaks truth and not lies.

When backed into a corner — speak truth — even if it brings pain.  The pain of a lie revealed far outweighs any pain truth brings.

Lies can destroy relationships.  Telling someone what you think they want to hear, instead of the truth, only brings distrust when the truth is revealed.   We all know people that we can no longer believe anything that comes out of their mouth.  How very sad.

Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.”  Proverbs 3:3 (New American Standard Bible)

Instead, we will lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly—and so become more and more in every way like Christ who is the Head of his body, the Church.”   Ephesians 4:15 (Living Bible)

I will say it again — the pain of a lie revealed far outweighs any pain truth brings.

til next time

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March 5, 2015 Posted by | ministry, Pastor's wife, relationships, spiritual reflections | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

fear or faith – you choose

Fear cripples faith.  Faith overcomes fear!

Fear will try to keep me confined in my comfort zone.  I have come to realize that ‘comfort zones’ are really just a way to avoid embracing life.  It seems God is always nudging me to step out in faith and what an adventure it is!!

Fear is controlling.  It will try to limit what  a person does.  Bad decisions are often the result of fear.    Being afraid will create distance, both in our relationship to God and to others.  Fear will cause people to try to control or manipulate a situation/person.  Truth is the only person we have control over is ones self.

fear not

 

I am a firm believer that I have nothing to fear because truly my God is an ever-present help in trouble, (Psalm 46:1) I am His and I am safe in His embrace. (Proverbs 18:10, 29:25)  Yet, I have become aware that I have let fear sneak in the back door of my life.

I love that about God – how at just the right time, in just the right way,  He spotlights an area that needs attention.

Chronic pain is a cruel friend.  Last March I started a journey with pain that has been like no other journey.  Chronic pain will change a person.  There was a point where I was well aware of fear trying to control me.  The pain was constant and at times it would be excruciating.   There was no pill that would help with the pain.   I found myself crying out “oh no, no, pleeeeeaaassssse no!”   Fear had stepped in.  I think fear tops chronic pain in the cruel friend department.

Fear cripples faith.  Faith overcomes fear!  

When I realized this, I changed my words to “Jesus, Jesus help me!”  The pain was still there but I was changing.  I believe in the healing power of God.  Until then, in acceptance there is peace – accepting that God, for reasons I could not figure out, had allowed this in my life — accepting that God will use it for good and accepting that it is what it is.

Slowly the pain diminished.  I  would start to get better and then I would have a set back.  I would make plans and have to change them.  The day finally arrived when I could sit without pain.  God was indeed walking me through this ordeal.

Now the muscle is no longer angry and screaming for attention.   Pain is pretty much all gone, but I know that it could come back.  History tells me that I am one small step away from reoccurring  chronic pain.  That knowledge has allowed a fragment of fear to cause me to check for the telltale signs and breathe a sigh of relief when they aren’t there.    I didn’t realize that fear was the underlying cause of that action.

God doesn’t want me (or you) to live with fear.

Faith in God overcomes fear.  Is fear trying to grip you?  Maybe it is a health issue (yours or someone you love dearly) — maybe it is financial,  it could be job related, fear knows no limit.  Don’t let fear sneak in.  I encourage you to trust God, to let your faith rise up, to hold fast to the knowledge that God is for you and with you.

“We walk by faith and not by sight.”  (2 Cor 5:7)

til next time

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January 22, 2015 Posted by | ministry, Pastor's wife, spiritual reflections, Woman Pastor | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

how many times?

It’s been four weeks.  (click here for the part one)

I have been in enough pain that I  decided  to go ahead with the procedure.  I had hoped, I had prayed, but the pain is still intense.

My family doctor thought they would do the first procedure.  It is the least painful and has no side effects. My situation does not fit that.

The second procedure  is a staple procedure that is less evasive.  The potential for infection, leakage, bleeding, and pain is minimal.  Recovery time is three days.  (I am back now because the first specialist was uncomfortable with doing the staple procedure and was passing me on to the next specialist.)

Deciding yes was no easy thing.

The exam is completed and I am ready to agree to move forward when he comes in and tells me that option number three is what he recommends.

What?

What happened to two?

I thought you didn’t do three anymore?

Because of my fissure he can’t do option two?  Instead he brought out the pictures and showed me what he would be doing.  He then told me that they no longer stitch up the incision but leave it open.  He says it heals better that way.  The area will look awful and it will take four to six weeks to heal.  There are risks and complications associated with this procedure.  He will actually be doing two surgeries at once.  If he only did the first one, I would be back in his office in three days screaming.  Oh and as it heals, it will be way more painful than anything I have currently experienced.

I am not ready to make this decision.  I tell him I can’t imagine hurting more than I already do.

He tells me we can go four more weeks.

There is that sentence again.  Four more weeks.  What is it with four more weeks?

I am indeed in between a rock and a hard place.

It was deja vu all over again.  I really am beginning to hate elevators in doctor buildings.

The door closes and I cry.  All the way to the parking lot I cry.  It doesn’t even matter that people are passing me.   Tears are falling.

Many thoughts run through my head.  Some of them I speak out to my husband.  I recognize they are not helpful thoughts and I just cry.

I believe God could heal me.  I don’t understand why He hasn’t.  Yet who am I to understand the ways of God.

 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB)

It dawns on me that our motorcycle trip is in jeopardy.  Short of a healing, there won’t be one.  I cry some more.

My husband is my rock. He believes it will get better.   I am grateful I have him to face this with.  I am grateful for his optimism because mine seems to have been crushed.

“How many times have You heard me cry out God please take this?  How many times have You given me strength to just keep breathing?  Oh I need You, God I need You now.”

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
    Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
    soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
    He’s my God.” Psalm 42:11 (MSG)

click here for part 3

 

til next time

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June 2, 2014 Posted by | just thinking about stuff, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments