Living Life in a Fish Bowl!

Gloria’s take on life.

how many times?

It’s been four weeks.  (click here for the part one)

I have been in enough pain that I  decided  to go ahead with the procedure.  I had hoped, I had prayed, but the pain is still intense.

My family doctor thought they would do the first procedure.  It is the least painful and has no side effects. My situation does not fit that.

The second procedure  is a staple procedure that is less evasive.  The potential for infection, leakage, bleeding, and pain is minimal.  Recovery time is three days.  (I am back now because the first specialist was uncomfortable with doing the staple procedure and was passing me on to the next specialist.)

Deciding yes was no easy thing.

The exam is completed and I am ready to agree to move forward when he comes in and tells me that option number three is what he recommends.


What happened to two?

I thought you didn’t do three anymore?

Because of my fissure he can’t do option two?  Instead he brought out the pictures and showed me what he would be doing.  He then told me that they no longer stitch up the incision but leave it open.  He says it heals better that way.  The area will look awful and it will take four to six weeks to heal.  There are risks and complications associated with this procedure.  He will actually be doing two surgeries at once.  If he only did the first one, I would be back in his office in three days screaming.  Oh and as it heals, it will be way more painful than anything I have currently experienced.

I am not ready to make this decision.  I tell him I can’t imagine hurting more than I already do.

He tells me we can go four more weeks.

There is that sentence again.  Four more weeks.  What is it with four more weeks?

I am indeed in between a rock and a hard place.

It was deja vu all over again.  I really am beginning to hate elevators in doctor buildings.

The door closes and I cry.  All the way to the parking lot I cry.  It doesn’t even matter that people are passing me.   Tears are falling.

Many thoughts run through my head.  Some of them I speak out to my husband.  I recognize they are not helpful thoughts and I just cry.

I believe God could heal me.  I don’t understand why He hasn’t.  Yet who am I to understand the ways of God.

 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB)

It dawns on me that our motorcycle trip is in jeopardy.  Short of a healing, there won’t be one.  I cry some more.

My husband is my rock. He believes it will get better.   I am grateful I have him to face this with.  I am grateful for his optimism because mine seems to have been crushed.

“How many times have You heard me cry out God please take this?  How many times have You given me strength to just keep breathing?  Oh I need You, God I need You now.”

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
    Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
    soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
    He’s my God.” Psalm 42:11 (MSG)

click here for part 3


til next time


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June 2, 2014 Posted by | just thinking about stuff, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments